Because Today is a New Day

I get it that everyone says goodbye to the old year and hello to a new one. It's great that we set goals, have dreams and really strive to be better people. But, when it comes to food and exercise wouldn't it be better to say good bye bad days and start fresh with a new day EACH morning?

When it comes to food and exercise, each of you has the power to eat right or to not eat right. Granted we have a lot of influencing factors but it boils down to you!. What I have learned over my weight loss transformation is that every time I have a bad or so- so day with my food or exercise choices, I don't beat myself up about it. I simply recognize it, drink more water and call it a day knowing that I have a chance to start all over again tomorrow. Embrace each day.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Kicking the tires on theHoliday

It's almost over. The cocktails, the cookies & candy, the work parties and always the calming family gatherings. And, most of all the fancy dressing up you are expected to do. Don't get me wrong I love dressing up but it's not a win win situation.You want to find that perfect little holiday dress but you already feel bloated from falling off the wagon a week ago. How are you suppose to feel pretty when you have to wear an elastic waistband with your high heels?

Instead of trying to go cold turkey January 2nd. and inevitably hating it. Give yourself some time to detox. I decided that this week that I'm going to start cleaning up my  eating and moving a bit more. I'll record all my food and surround myself all things that clean and healthy. That way, I didn't go cold turkey and my body will be prepared for what I need to do and then maybe it won't hate me so much. Think of it this way, you want to avoid sticker shock right? . Walk around kick the tires a bit and prepare yourself. Anyone changing habits knows that it's a hellva of a ride getting back into the driver seat or eating. Remember there is no race to the finish line, enjoy the ride.

Working out Vs. Holidays

With the holidays here I thought that I'd sign up for a Fit Body Boot Camp class.  When I'm active with exercise I tend to eat better and have focus. I took way to much time off and I decided that I would hit it hard. I packed my bag the night before so I had no excuses, I was ready! Apparently my first day back was the Monday Murder. 45 minutes of squats, push ups and burpees.

The place was packed, clearly others had the same thing in mind but I found a piece of floor to do my thing. I put all the classes in my calender, wrote down my starting weight in my journal, and found all my socks. We'll see how the next three weeks go but, I'm on a mission and feeling pretty positive about it. My goal is lose 5 lbs but if I don't gain any with all the holiday goodies I'll be just as happy. I learned a long time ago to set small goals to succeed then end up with one BIG failure.

Speaking of Goals

Speaking of short term goals. Do you set short terms goals or do you just go for the gusto? Say you want to lose 50 lbs? Do you do it 10 lbs at a time or the whole thing? Personally, I found that it's easier to set a short term goal with a beginning, middle and end rather than to go for the grand daddy prizes because inevitably I set myself up for failure. It's too hard to follow something for a long tern. I don't know about you but the older I get my attention span seems to gets shorter. Who has the time to fail? No one has the time to NOT get results.

Great (Cheap) Shopping Moments.

Don't you just love it when you walk into a place not expecting to find anything and  they you see that perfect whatever that gives you a moment of "kewl" until you look at the tag and it's kinda your size, but not really, because it looks small. Well, I experienced that moment at Goodwill the other day. I found the most adorable one button dark denim jacket. I promised that never again would I wear things that made me look like a box.
I had a few things already to try on so I grabbed it thinking what did I have to lose. I was pleasantly surprised that it fit quite nicely. I was accessorizing before I was out the door with my prize jacket that cost me $3.50.

Holiday trouble?

The holiday's are around the corner and you're expected to dress up, drink cocktails, and eat. How are you suppose to avoid the enviable whirlwind of food and drink over load.

When I started hCG activator over 3 years ago it was in March. I carefully mapped my spring and summer with no real big holidays, no parties and a good season for fresh veggies. I lost over 60lbs in about 6 months and that took me into September. School starts, schedules get crazy, gets cold and holiday parties.

This is the real test. My new body and how would I handle it? Will I stay at my current weight or will I fall into old habits?. I was done with my program and I was on my own. I learned what I needed to learn and now I had to put my knowledge forth and perform.

I had Thanksgiving dinner to prepare, cookies to bake, office parties, school parties, news years eve parties and champagne to drink .No wonder gyms memberships ramp up and healthy eating books fly off the shelves. We all go nutz, we binge and we suffer the consequences later.

The trick............Start early. Map out your holiday parties as best you can and know that you are going to indulge. You only live once, make the most of it but be smart about it. Don't eat like tomorrow will never come, because you will sober up and feel like jumping off a building.

Feel free to sample goodies and enjoy a glass of wine from time to time. It's called Balance.

I planned my holiday stretch to the point of ridiculous. I plotted,I planned, and I prepared. I wrote down my starting weight as I always do. I kept my journal next to my bed for daily entries about everything and anything.

Here are some strategies that might help you.

• Eat before you go to a food party. (that way you can be polite and still eat and not be piggy)
• Drink water along with your wine or cocktail. (Yes, at the same time)
• Chew gum. Probably not double bubble but something to keep your mouth busy.
• Look at least 3 days out. Plan your meals before and after the party. Good choices so you feel good emotionally and you feel good going into the party.
• Wear a sexy outfit when you strut your stuff.. If you already feel sexy, your self confidence will win and you won't want to feel pudgy in your outfit.
• Develop a routine of eating. Your body will thank you and it will control cravings.
• Don't starve your self. We all know that doesn't end well. 
• I would say exercise, but we all know that this time of year is tough, so do the best you can with that. Just survive the holiday.
• Don't be the new gal/guy in a matching jogging suit and headband fighting for the treadmill. 

GOOD LUCK!

Shopping

I just love the fact that I can shop with my new body and go right to my size off the rack.

When I was rounder I would have to find 3 sizes of the same thing to see what would fit best to hide the bumps and bulges. Things are made so differently it's a pot shot in the clothing world.

It can be pretty discouraging trying on clothes when you can only take in 4 or 5 items into the fitting room at once. That's only one fit. I would never ask the attendant to get me something because I was embarrassed to say "size 20 please." Don't even get me started on shopping for bras. Pure AGONY!

Forget thrift stores. Apparently only small people get rid of cool clothes. Don't get me wrong I could find some bigger clothes but very few and not exactly stylish. I refused to wear elastic band jeans!!

Don't be afraid of the fat

Getting through the grilling season in the summer can be tough if you're are not prepared. How many back yard parties have you attended with all the tasty hot dogs, brats, chips and potato salad? No kidding Right!
I have found that on my new way of eating is don't be afraid of the fat. I do still try to stick to grilled chicken, fish and veggies but have no fear, eating that hot dog and brat is not the end of the world. I do however forgo the bun and chips (sometimes).

I do have a weakness for a good Hot dog but, skip the white doughy bun that looks delish around that grilled doggie.
We're all taught to eat cereal, fat free this and low-fat that, and diet soda and told to stay away from  avocados, nuts and butter. WRONG. I eat all those things now and avoid anything that is made with white flour. Pasta, breads, cereal snack bars. etc Eat out of your garden, your body will love you.

My Own ad

I got my own magazine ad. It's kind of a funny story of how this picture came about. To funny not to share. I got a call from the company that they wanted to use my picture for the Wellbella magazine that's available at GNC.
We went back and forth with the story because its important to me to make sure that the truth is told. To many times we see crap in magazines and wonder if it's real.

I was in Boston on a business trip. I was at an event that involved wine and I had had a couple glasses already. I had answered my phone and the person on the other end was asking me if I could send a picture right away. How was I suppose to do that? My phone?

Ok, after 3 glasses of wine who can I ask take my picture? Because I certainly was not going to doa selfie. My friend Terri the friend  said she would help me, she only had 2 glasses of wine. We found a plain wall next to all the wine and took about a dozen shots to see what we could live with. Then, I had trouble sending the darned picture. I ended up forwarding the picture to another friend of mine Sojo and she sent it off for me. They mailed me a few issues to share with my family and friends.But, looking at the picture I had to make sure that it wasn't altered. It look weird on the white background.
So, I posted both pictures to show that no one messed with it and its really me.

Motivation on Facebook

I spent so much time on the hCG Activator Face Book page that it seemed like it was family. During my weight loss journey I had to find ways to keep me motivated and Facebooking about healthy stuff was it. We all have rough days and sometimes want to eat a bag of cookies and call it a day. But we can't do that if we want to succeed, and damn it I was going to win after so many failures. I continuously read about health and wellness and learned what I could about food and the nutrition of it. I stayed on the page to avoid getting up and walking to the fridge for a snack, to fight boredom.
My weight was coming off and I refused to ever gain it back, I was feeling so good I was on fire. That's the beauty of eating clean. You feel what food can do in many ways. It can give you energy or it can make you sick.
When I first liked the page it only had about 200 people on it. Now, it's way over 5,000 and the number of success stories using hCG Activator is growing. SO many people were quick to say I was starving myself, I wasn't following the food guidelines or I was killing myself. SAYS WHO? Well, I'm here to tell you that those people can all suck it. I may not have been eating a lot during the program but I was eating much healthier than on any DIET. Before I would skip meals, drink diet soda,eat "lowfat" processed carbs because it said it was good for me on the box only to lead me to binge later. I was eating processed DIET snack bars, Low fat cookies or highly processed wheat bread. We are being lied too. The big thing I learned out if this whole thing is to eat unprocessed foods as much as possible and portion control yourself. Ok, off my soap box. I love having this conversation with anyone that is willing to talk to me about it. I get pretty wound up.
Anyway, I was spending so much time on the page that I was asked to become a success coach. I  talked  about my motivations and shared what I did to win,  Not only do I get to hang out on the page and read success stories from others but I get to help and that really motivates me. Oer 2 years Later, I'm still there doing what I do best. So if you done feeling like crap, give me a jingle we can talk about it.

Super Mommy

I took a couple months off of boot camp thinking that I would keep it up on my own. Well, that couldn't have been further from the truth.  I went back for a few weeks and thought I could walk into this like I never left.  About 30 minutes into it I wanted to fall over.Where is this muscle memory that I keep hearing about? I'm so frustrated that it feels like I'm starting over. But week 3 I'm still going and my fitness level is coming back.

We women do it every day. We jam pack our days that we rarely take time out to take care of ourselves. I made the decision that I had to get back to it. I missed the exercise and the way it made me feel both physically and mentally. My husband stepped up and helps with dinners and lunches so I can feel my best. Because face it, no one likes a cranky mommy.

Keeping it up

I love this group of pictures as it shows my progression from 262 to 185. You can see by the date that this is 2 years ago, Still holding strong and I learned so much about health and nutrition that I have no fear of ever gaining weight back and I don't eat low-fat or DIET anymore.

The power of music

My eldest son Dylan just loves music. He is so carefree in his singing ya can't help but laugh and sometimes close the door gently.
Tom and I were looking for a way to let him enjoy his loud pop music and to get him to move a bit ore. We signed him up for  a grooving Zumba class at our local YMCA. No way did I know that he was about to quickly become the hit of the Tuesday night class. If he missed a class boy, did I hear about it from all the ladies.
Faithfully every Tuesday he would come from from school and quickly change into his Zumba and wait about 3 hours. Gotta love the kid..
I kept it up all winter I was able to just drop him off and let him do this wild thing while I attended other classes, just to give him some free time away from mom and be a teenager.
It so funny that when a song comes on at home or in the car he jumps up and starts doing all the moves.
The power of music.

8 Ridiculous Nutrition Myths

You can read a lot on the internet and really have no idea what to believe. Especially the commercial with the french guy.
Anyway I found this article to be quite interesting and I follow these lessons. Since losing my weight I have done a lot of research and reading about nutrition and I knowing how my body reacts to things I'm a full believer of non processed foods and eating as fresh as possible.
http://www.popsci.com/node/74033/edit
Take a look for yourself.

Sporting a New Body

By September 2011 I was at 186 lbs. into a size 10 and stepped up my exercise program My aches and pains went away and I was more motivated to keep going.   I loved to go shopping because now I could find things that fit without grabbing several sizes of the same thing. It was horrible shopping when I was heavy, Things didn't fit right or I had to try on multiple sizes and that would take forever. The problem I had now was I kept trying on things that were to big. That has never happened to me.
I found a new love for thrift shopping  In the past I would go into thrift shops but the bigger girl clothes were not stylish or was there a good selection. I was dropping weight so fast that I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I hit cheap stores. As a matter of fact the top in this picture I picked up from Goodwill.
My measurements from July to September were:

Waist 40.5 to 35
Hips 43 to 41
Thighs 23 to 21.5
Bust 36 to 34
It was summer and I was sporting a new body. One that I have never had before and I wasn't sure what to do. I fit into clothes off the rack and I wanted to show off all my hard work. Now to look for a 2 piece swim suit. Could I should I, HA, who cares- I'm going to do it.
I added some weights to my exercise routines but I gotta be honest. I wasn't working out that hard. I had beat myself up for so many years that I was done with the pain. I now understand that I can win this battle in the kitchen.

Feeling like a Loser

I'm sorry that it seems like I've been in hiding. I really haven't but life has been catching up to me. I'm working really hard to put things back into perspective. I know its easy to say take time out for yourself but sometimes things just get out of control and you can't help but feel like you are sinking.
I just got back from a 3 day field trip with my son's fourth grade class and let me tell you it about killed me. 120 people in charter buses with overloaded schedules to stuff educational information into our children which most of them wont remember a 3rd of it.
Let me back up a little to lead to play out the story.  My boot camp was over 2 months ago and I swore that I would keep up the exercises. Well, life happened and I didn't do it. 2 months of not working out and slipping with my food choices and eating things that I don't normally eat. A chip here, bread there I gained a few lbs. I knew better but my will power wasn't there yet because of my busy schedule (excuses). I figured I can take off 5 lbs no problem. This popped up that popped up and I was up to needing to lose 10 lbs. WOW where is the time going??? What is going on.
I'm planning this 3 day trip of back to back activity knowing that my food choices were not going to easy but I really had no idea what I was getting into. I packed some apples, black berries, raspberries and water and we ate it all the first day. I also had some trail mix with almonds, chocolate chips and dried cranberries. A gallon size bag half full misc chips, pretzels, chex mix and the like, for the kid to munch on during the 4 hour trip to our destination and back.
Up at 4 am to load up and to  leave on the bus by 5:45. ZOOM. up early, to bed late and lot packed in the middle. We were held captive to subs, pizza and sandwiches on the bus. They did take us to a buffet.(sad face) We lived off of vending machines at rest areas. Never in a million years did I think I would be looking at a vending machine for dinner.

I get home at 4:30 pm and I'm ready for bed by 5. I hold out a bit longer but I wind up kissing my family good night and I bail by 7 only to get up a 5 am to start my daily routine of school and work. As I drag my butt out of bed I jump on scale and I'm mortified. I knew it was going to be bad but this bad? I weighed 201 lb. Highest weight in over 2 years. I was staying in between 189 and 193 for about 6 months and now I hit 201? I worked to hard for my weight to creep back on. I signed up for a 21 day boot camp to get me motivated. I missed 3 days because of my trip but I hit it today and I will every day for the next 17 days. I knew I was going to be tired and it was going to suck. Guess what? it did SUCK, a lot!. I had a hard time completing my rounds and keeping up and I was feeling like a loser. I pushed harder and didn't give up. Emeka says "Hey Carla, Long time no see" I can hardly breath, I'm really tired and I mumble whatever.......!

Now, I know that I'm not really loser but what happens with me when I've had a tough stretch and my world  feels like it crashes a little. I get on myself pretty hard and add up all the things that are going wrong. I'm usually in this feeling sorry for myself phase for a few hours and then I start to pull it together to climb out my own mess. I have some motivational tools that I fall back on that I use often. This blog is one of them. It's venting about problem so I recognize how I got here, I'm owning it. Then I plot what I'm going to do to fix it,  that's holding me accountable. So yes, boot camp sucked today, but I ate right today and I will get plenty of sleep to start another new day tomorrow.Just keep going. No magic here, just keep going and you will thank yourself later.

Over 60 total inches lost

The month of August was epic for me. I swear I would try on something too small and then a week later it would fit.  I have so many pictures of my weight loss that I had to put it all in albums. And, now I am so glad that I did it. I can look back and it makes me proud every time of  I have done for myself.
This is me at 195 lbs. I was at a new low weight and I wanted to keep going. I originally set small goals but when I blew past 200 it was game on. Not only was I losing weight I was losing inches fast. It was round this time when I had my fat dream and scared myself awake.

 Now my measurements are getting impressive
July 2010              July 28th 2011
Weight 262           Weight 195 lbs
Hips 54                Hips 43
Thigh 39.5           Thigh 23
Bust 49                Bust 36
Waist 51              Waist 40.5
That is 61.5 inches of body that is GONE.
Totally amazing how I was feeling inside and out. I was really getting into reading about health and fitness. All about how food works in the body, the advantages of eating clean. I LOVED shopping for fresh natural foods and cooking in my kitchen. I had put in a garden and we grilled everything on the grill.Loving my 40's.

Happy Mothers Day.

To all the mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day.

M-O-T-H-E-R
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.

- Howard Johnson

Giddy

Usual trips to doctors. It was time to visit my family doctor. No one had seen me for over a year and I was 62lbs lighter from my last visit. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face to see how much I have changed  from the old me poor whoa is me crying hating the way I looked into a pretty proud hot mom. The nurse walked in and did all my numbers. check check, everything is better than normal Blood pressure 95 or 65 Yeah, Ill take it. Doctor walked in reading my chart and said what ever I was doing keep it up. I had studied up on the hcg plan and I had no problems with it. But this was the icing on the cake for me. I had my proof that I stayed healthy and lost all the weight I wanted and then some.

Home made treatments

I had an avocado in the fridge that I had forgotten about and it was really ripe. I went back and forth on what to do with it. So good ole Google to the rescue and I decided to put it in my hair. I found a ton of recipes for hair avocado treatments and I had to start somewhere. I read about mayo, lemons, honey ( no thanks, tried that sticky mess before) eggs, Shea butter, olive oil coconut oil, etc. I settled on on olive oil and an egg. Now, just the white, just the yoke, both?? I tossed the whole thing in whipped it up with a fork and then applied it.  I had to put a plastic bag on my head too. I grabbed my lap top, glasses and sat on the couch  I told Tom don't judge. He didn't say a word and just kept looking over at me like I was an alien. He was trying to snap pictures of  me and I reminded him that he often falls asleep in the chair and anything is possible. About 15 minutes later he says "the lengths that you go to, to turn me on". Love you honey!

It was messy to put in as pieces of avocado kept falling out all over the counter. 20 minutes passed and I washed it and combed i out. It didn't  feel any different or any softer but I kept getting more chunks as I brushed and it smelled really woody. Not a good woody smell but more like a rotting log. My hair was soft but not SUPER soft. I will try it again someday but next time I will blend it to avoid the chunks and perhaps something that smells better.

I MADE IT

This is the best day ever. August 4th I weighed 199 lbs. I can't even remember when I was under 200. I lost a half a pound each day for the whole week. then I gained one back on Monday and one more on Tuesday then I dropped 2 lbs Wednesday. Weird. By August 30th I was at 191. It took me a month to lose 10 lbs.  Then by my husbands birthday I was 185.5 lbs. I was eating good, not a lot and I was sure to get the most food I could to follow the program. I was eating a variety of fresh vegetables and lean meats. And, a WHOLE lot of water.
It was time to try on some clothes that I've  been saving for at least 10 years.  I put on some fun music (80's) and I headed to the bed room. As I'm pulling stuff out of the closet and trying it on, I'm seeing a pattern. Everything was to big. WTF!  I had lost so much weight around my hips and tummy that all the clothes were to wide. I laughed and realized that I get to go shopping. I had some really nice things that I was actually hoping to fit back into.  So I gutted the closet and grabbed some garbage bags  I had piles all over the place and the bed looked like a giant rummage sale. clothes and hangers every..I had at least 6 bags full of clothes, and I lot of hangers waiting for more. Oh that was fun.

Is this a dream?

I had a FAT dream. In the middle of the night I woke up, sat straight up and started mumbling I guess. I think my husband thought I was having a heart attack or something. I had a very real dream that I was walking around the house and I walked by a mirror and I all my weight was back on. It was that instant that I must have jolted myself awake. All groggy I  jumped out of bed and got the scale out. I flipped on the light and my husband told me I was crazy. I stepped on it still at 200. I was good, but what was that all about?. If that wasn't enough I ran into the bathroom for the full length mirror just to make sure. I guess I had to see it for myself.  I was still getting thin, it was only a dream. Never had that kind of dream again. THANK GOSH!

Keep This Ride Going

By May 31st my weight was  at 221. Since January I've lost 1 inch off my bust, 6 inches off my waist, and 4 inches off my hips. I lost 22 lbs and am on top of the world. Except I had a really bad sinus cold and was miserable, but HEY, I lost weight.
I started to add exercise to my plan, I didn't do anything hard mostly just walking with my dog and free weights in my basement. Dexter was happy because he was getting nice long walks. Now, I can't put on my shoes without him going insane. It also keeps me out of the fridge and food off the mind. I was on a mission it was working and had to keep going.

By the  end of June I was down to 207 lb.  I haven't seen 207 since college. I was posting like crazy on the hCG facebook sight with both my ups and down of my eating and my emotions. I started on this page to hold myself accountable but it turned out that I was motivation for others myself. I often chatted with others that had questions and I would share my experiences. The more that I could help others out, the better I felt and it motivated me. I only had one co worker ask me if I had cancer. A little surprised at that comment. But, whatever.
I had not bought any clothes because I was losing weight so fast it was useless. I had a overstuffed closet of clothes ranging from size 20 to 12 so I managed ok, just a bit out of style, but ok.  I refused to get rid of any clothes as I KNEW I would fit into them again. By July 15th I weighed 202 lbs. Another inch off my thighs, an inch off my hips and 2 inches off my chest.  Happy Dance

hcg Activator the first week

I lost 4 lbs immediately on the 3rd day, down to 244 lbs. On day 4, I had dropped to 241.5 lbs I was liking this plan.  I felt like I had more energy and I felt lighter, less weighted down. The weight was coming off and I was delighted and in very positive moods. I had some Cravings coming in a little but I was able to curb those, just old habits I did hear some place that it takes 22 days to kick a habit, Damn it was going to kick this munchie  habit. I managed to lose a little weight every day until April 13th. I gained 1 lb and I put a sad face in my journal. How funny.  I lost a total of 10 lbs in 14 days. NOT to shabby, I'll take it.
Things are rolling great and I went out with some friends and had a few cocktails  I had not drank at all on this program, but I 10 lbs into it I was ready for a drink and some socializing  By April 18th I was 229.5 lbs. After my adult cocktails I gained 5 lbs back up to 234. lb  SO not worth drinking to be set back by 5 lbs. It took me 5 days to take that back off to get back to 229.Who would have thought that just a few drinks and some appetizers would have cause such a  gain. I have not seen 229 in years and I was going to keep going.

I posted a lot on the hCG Activator Facebook page. I bet they got pretty sick of me but it helped to put it all out there for accountability. Dosage questions, food questions, even private stuff that sometimes you are afraid to ask . I did not want to mess up and this online source was  life savor. I received  nothing but positive feedback and praise for sticking it out, even on those bad days. I was so grateful to have an online source of other people on this plan and the support to answer questions. I developed  some  great online friendships from this experience still  talk to them today. A big shout out to my wonderful hCG family Thom, Brenda, Larrisa, Renae and Rachel plus many more that I have encountered. We have all over come some harsh challenges and are stronger for it.

I also kept my journal current of how I was feeling, my energy levels and my food choices. I look back now and am thankful that I kept track of it all. It's so funny the things that I recorded. Did you know that May 10th 2011 My son was home sick from school and I stayed home and had a piece of carrot cake?. Makes me laugh to look back on this but it kept me going

hCG Activator Day One and Two

Its March 27th, 2011, My weight is 245 lbs. I had my hCG Activator from GNC  in hand and my grocery list ready for the food. I was suppose to load for 2 days? Really? I had to look at my make up for oils? I had to survive off of 500 calories a day? What was I getting myself into? M husband admitted later that he was afraid that if I couldn't eat I would kill someone. I guess I'm crabby when I'm hungry. I read read and read the instructions repeatedly, I was so worried that I would mess up for some reason. It was a very limited menu and pretty simple so my chances of screwing up was low.  I followed the instructions and I loaded for 2 days and I ate whatever I wanted. I really had a hard time eating so much as I had no appetite from the pills and I have always restricted myself from the foods that I loved and I just got used to not eating much.
By the end of the 2 days my weight climbed to 248 lbs. OMG!I was freaking out and I prayed that this program  worked.  It said in the directions that this could happen, the weight will come off. I shopped, cooked and prepped my food for the week ahead. I planned it all on my my calendar day by day, I set an alarm on my phone at 7:00 am and 3:00 pm to remind me to take my pills, I bought Vitamin D and a good Multi vitamin to make up for the lack of Dairy, I planned everything for 30 days. Every birthday party, holiday or school function. I was NOT going to have an excuse to mess this up.  And most importantly I used my www.www.fatsecret.com to record all my weight daily and my journal to write down how I was feeling, if I had any side effects or problems it would all be in my journal.

I kept this journal my by bed and the scale in the closet with a pen close by.
I absolutely positively hate this picture but it was the only one I had for a before picture. I really avoided the camera feeling so uncomfortable in my skin.  Its hard to see this again but I really wanted to show that's it possible to be successful with the right program and the right support.
What I really hate about this picture is that my son took this picture  He was 7 at the time and had to stand on a chair to take it. I felt so awful looking at it and as I looked into his eyes I wondered what he thought of me for having him take the picture. Just as my eyes filled up with tears he stepped off the chair and told me that I was a beautiful mommy. I was speechless, I gave him the biggest hug ever and said thank you dear, I love you too.
What a tough day!!!

HCG Activator- Do your homework

Its late March 2010 Not long after I was shot down with the bariatric thing  I was home watching the Dr Oz show. It was a show about something called HCG. Tom and I watched it together. My husband is so awesome for supporting me with all the stupid things that I've tried in the past. I guess its his way of watching over me so I don't do anything completely carzy. Anyway, Dr Oz  had on 6 people that had lost a significant amount of weight on this stuff   along with a restricted diet plan.. They had both pros and cons of the product but overall the reviews were good. After the show I spent some time on line to find out more about this product. It turns out that it was a shot and you had to have a doctor for it. I would have to get with my doctor and see what his thoughts were. But I never did because I had heard that insurance wouldn't cover it and the the price was something like $900. Really? no way.

A couple weeks later my husband went to GNC to get some vitamins, because we're Gold Card members and we have to go the first 10 days of the month to go to get the good deals.  Anyway, he saw a big poster advertising hCG Activator. He came home and told me about me about it and we hit the internet. We Googled hCG Activator and did our homework. It had good Reviews, not to expensive and I figured I wouldn't be out much if it didn't work. See my optimism bubbling? We got the product and sat down with the directions. I had to read them a few times because of all the things to follow with the food types and lotions. I was afraid that I would do something wrong and I really wanted this to work.

I planned out the foods and what I could eat and not eat. I looked at all my makeups and lotions as required, I looked at my calendar for holidays that I have to contend with. I surfed Facebook and found the hCG Activator site and immediately started following it, like surveillance work. I wanted to see who was on the page, was it real, were people successful. Only about 400 people were on the page at the time but I stuck it out to see what this was all about. I carefully read the side effects page and we decided that if I experienced any side effects at all  I would stop immediately. Health is my main concern, nothing is worth giving yourself a heart attack or worse.. He said he was going to watch me like a hawk and anything changed he would notice. I shopped for my specific food, got my scale out and I was ready. It felt like this was my last ditch effort to take control of my weight. This HAD to work.
LET's DO THIS.

Dr Oz

I really like the Dr Oz show. He's quite informative and with all kinds of topics that are both funny and educational. He's never boring, a bit weird but never boring  He's also pretty with his social media  and provides good tidbits. I get lots of food recipes off his site and subscribe to his newsletters.   I visited his web site and there is a section  that asks for show ideas.  I figured he had all kids of people on his show and they bare all to the world with their problems.
I light bulb went off in my head and I thought maybe I could get on his show to talk about my weight loss problems and get some answers. There had to be other women that are having the same problem and it would be a great show. A bunch of babbling women complaining about the same thing.
It took me hours to complete the task of writing about myself and quite difficult. It's ridiculous how many things I've tried and failed at. I put in everything from all my gym memberships, visits to the doctor, pills, deprivation you name it.  I found myself getting emotional  at certain parts as I was putting  thoughts to paper.
So, I looked it over took a deep breathe and submitted.  I figured I wouldn't hear from anyone but I checked my email every day for about a month just in case. It was worth a shot I suppose.

Lessons Learned

I went to my mothers over the weekend and ran out of time for my daily Sunday food prepping and cooking for the week and boy did it show. I had to get a few things at the store to hold us over and I walked by the Frozen dinner section. I thought hmmm, its been years since I bought a complete meal kit maybe my family would like something like that.  It took me longer than I was expecting with all the food choices. Rows and rows of pre-made food. I made it past the lasagna to Ziti, enchiladas to the Asian  Back and forth and I finally set my sights on Orange Chicken and Rice. It had fresh looking broccoli and peppers in it on a pretty box. I was in such a hurry that I never looked at the ingredient list on the back Oops!
I got it home stuffed it in the oven and did my thing. My first clue was it took over an hour to cook and when I could have done this meal from scratch in half that time.
All cooked and ready to serve, I mixed it up and put it on the family's plates. I didn't have any but I did taste it and  made quick note that it was very salty. Needless to say, my family ate it but did complain of being really thirsty and chugging water. I knew better but I was looking for a way to cut corners, but a what price? Lesson learned.

Good habit/ Bad habits

I was cooking a meal for my mom the other day and I noticed a bad habit. I cook with my mouth. Yep, I taste everything while I'm prepping and cookin for a meal. How many of you eat while you're cooking?  I'm such a taster and sampler that I am too full to actually sit down and have dinner with my family. So I watch them eat and end of cleaning up the kitchen. I know it's such a bad habit, but I just can't seem to break it, suggestions?

DAMN OREO Cookies

I had a training class last week that took up my whole afternoon. I like the class that I take but what drives me crazy are the snacks provided. Only single serving packs of cookies, chips, soda and coffee. How aer we suppose to stay awake and alert eating COOKIES? Normally, I'm prepared for days like this with my own snacks but this day I was running late and only had water, gum and an orange. I really did not want to peal my orange and draw attention. But I did it anyway to fight off my sweet tooth.

Let's just say I was running away from the Oreo's in my mind over and over. For 3 hours the single pack of OREOS's kept saying eat me, eat me. I watched others eat Fritos, chips, Oreo's, Nutter butters and Peanut butter and Cheese crackers. I keep getting up and refilling my water to avoid the temptations. 

When I have a day long class I normally plan a good lunch so I'm ready for anything out of the ordinary. But today was a sign of ill planning. For some stupid reason those damn OREO's were taking over my mind. But I was determined to beat it.

I must have chewed a whole pack of gum and gallon of water. My mistake was I grabbed the pack of Oreo's for my son. I thought, I would take them home and it would be a nice surprise for him.

I made it. 3 hours and no cookies. I was in the clear. Well, I knew those cookies were in my bag and now I was in my car alone. It was 4:30 and I bailed to go home. I totally caved to the Oreo's I reached in my bag and ate 2 out of the 6 pack. THEY WERE STALE. I was not going to waste my calories on stale Oreo's. so I tossed the remaining 4 out of the window. Yes I littered but I figured some bird or squirrel would enjoy them

All that turmoil for stale cookies. Lesson learned, move on.

Feeling Selfish

After so many foolish diets, pills, gym memberships, doctors, nutritionist, clinics, nutritional shakes, and starving myself. I was at my wits end. Or at least I thought I was. My body was breaking down physically and mentally I was a basket case.
I saw a commercial for Baratric surgery on TV and thought maybe this was a possibility. I was really nervous to call but I sucked it up and called.
It was an evening appointment and I went after work. I remember exactly what I wore that day almost 3 years ago like it was yesterday. I had been down to the clinic before when I visited the nutritionist a few months earlier. This time the room had long tables with folding chairs in a lecture setting. I was early so I could get a seat and I had no idea of what to expect. They had information  folders on the table with pens to take notes about a dozen were laid out. I was the first person in the room and I got a sudden fear. What if someone I knew came in? What would they think? As people began to make their way into the room I started to feel really foolish for this decision. It was clearly a life or death situation for these folks and I felt horrible for wasting anyone's time. One women came in a wheel chair and others had assistance and oxygen tanks.  What was I thinking, I felt so selfish. I was afraid to leave because I would get noticed so I sat quietly wishing I would vanish into the corner. I sat through the hour long presentation as the professionals talked about the different types of procedures available. It was all presented very well and the care that would be provided. At the end they had us each  figure out a BMI chart and a check list of any medical problems. High blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, etc. I filled out the chart, no blood pressure problems, no diabetes  no hypertension. All clean. When I got to the weight part I could feel my breathe getting shallower and quicker. I was 7 lbs short of the the allowable weight.  One comment sticks out in my mind. The nice lady that was helping me fill out my chart said that I was only 7 lbs short to qualify and that I needed to gain weight. I don't know if she was joking or serious but I will never forget it. I politely said thank you for you time, but no thank you, gaining weight was not an option. I quietly excused myself walked out to my car and sat there in the quiet for a few minutes, replaying the whole experience in my head.  While it was not a pleasant experience I did realize that I was not a bad off as I had worked up in my own mind. I had my health my family and friends. I was still in charge of my own destiny. I just needed to find the right combination.

Some good advice. Lose this crap! It's useless and sabotages everything you are working for.

Many ways to flavor water and make it taste good!

Meeting with a Nutritionist

I decided to give our hospital weight management center a whirl. I made an appointment and thought ok, I can do this. Maybe someone that's  trained in nutrition can help me understand what I was doing wrong. First, let me lead you into the building. It's in basement connected to a high end gym. But instead of going to the left, you go to the right down stairs to the basement. No windows, just a few offices with all the doors shut. The walls are painted a mustard yellow color. No paintings, no posters just mustard yellow walls. You keep walking down a winding path making a few turns and then it turned into a lobby with an extra wide-door way at the end. I talk to the cute little receptionist in colorful scrubs I sign in, and hand over my money for the visit. I take my seat looking around the room only seeing one older gentleman sitting in the corner reading the paper, perhaps waiting for his spouse. I don't wait to long and a shorter heavier women comes out smiles and calls my name. I thought all dietitians and nutritionists were skinny? I said to myself as I got up and followed her into a small room in the corner. She introduces herself and tells me says she's ready to get to the bottom of things. I get all my vitals down quickly, no medical issues. Now the discussion part of what am I doing wrong? why am I fat? and how do I get rid of it?
I brought my journals and exercise charts as requested and I brought a lot more than she was expecting because she made a cute comment about it. I sat quietly biting my lip while she read over them. My mind was racing as I was waiting for that "aha" moment. It seemed like an eternity when she finally looked up and said "You have a great diet, this is full of all the food groups". I was speechless, she said I ate better than she did. No Kidding! I could feel my eyes well up with tears. I choked them back and said I really needed some alternatives and help to take some weight off. Then I did what was called a Body Gem. It's a tool that is monitors changes in my metabolism for me to achieve personal weight loss and nutrition device that suppose to validate my (RMR) resting metabolic rate. Blah blah, everything turned out normal and I'm healthy as a horse. I sat a minute smiling at the nice lady and said ok. I put on my coat, said thank you for your time and  I left. I had nothing, I just left.

Becoming RedZilla

When I first decided to color my hair red, I had no idea how much trouble I would have keeping it.  I was always blond as a kid and remained that way most of my life. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped coloring my hair because of all the chemicals.  You want nothing to interfere when you're expecting.  After 9 months my hair was getting pretty dark. I never really knew what my real color wa because I had been coloring my hair since I was 16.  And brown was not an option. Walk down the hair color aisle and tell me its not overwhelming?  It's a crap shoot if you're using a box dye and I don't care what the box says.  After a several months of having every shade from orange to fire engine red I decided I had to  find a salon. That's cool for you if lots of money. I just couldn't bring myself to spending that much money every few weeks when I could buy shoes.. So then I figured I would try the local salon school. What the hell right?  To do this you need about 5 hours of nothing to do to but sit in a chair, meet new students each time, and try to stay awake. I have been bright orange to almost black." Let's fix it with highlights". REALLY?  Below another famous redhead, I have related to.

I was at the bar one evening with my husband and we had gotten to know the bartender. Ok, fine we frequent this place often and we got to know the whole staff.  She was also going to the same school to be a stylist and we started talking hair and all my traumas . She advised me to go back and ask for Kimmy. Ask for no one by Kimmy!. It was like she was a secret agent and you had to know someone to get to her.  I have been going for over a year to this school and I have never seen Kimmy.  Did I need a secret code word? Who is this goddess?  I went back and schedule an appointment with Kimmy.  Now, I'm pretty easy going and instantly we hit if off. She's bubbly and always smiling. She was a senior and I went to her until she graduated then I followed her to her first job. I love her service, her customer care, and we developed a great friendship.  She knows more about me than she probably cares to but its therapy in my opinion.

I could plan her into my calendar for the year if I were organized, but I'm not organized and I usually call her last minute. And without fail, she makes room for me. LOVE HER.  She mixes my color and it's the most amazing thing to watch. No references,guides or measured amounts, she just squeezes in tubes of colors that look like they belong on a canvas and away we go. She just knows what shes doing and  it right every time. I'm in and out with money still in my pocket,  Now, Ladies that is how a GREAT stylist does it. The moral of the story is find a great stylist and keep her. TIP her well!
http://hairsalon130.com/Ask for Kimmy.

How many times have you looked at something and said "Man, I wish I could eat that". I try to love by this golden rule. There are some pretty amazing foods available that are pretty tasty.

Give yourself the chance!

I had a moment in our local grocery store the day before Easter. I had to go Easter basket shopping for my boys and this was a true test of eating clean and not falling victim to Holiday splurges.

Our store is remodeling and it's just a mess right now so all the Easter candy was on big pallets in narrow  rows by the baby stuff. Tall mounds of candy on wooden pallets line up. Must have been 10 pallets of  everything you can imagine at eye level. The choices of what you can spend your money on are overwhelming.

I paced back and forth trying to decide what candy to get for my boys without being overboard and having it lay around the house for me to snack on. I  tossed in what I thought was appropriate and moved on. I halted by a pile of assorted candies and I heard little voice in my head say Not so quietly " ya know, you could easily buy a single pack of candy, the ones that are 10 for $5.00 and eat it before you get home. No one would know." Amazing how the voices work. I hesitated, walked back and forth wondering if I should. I decided that I would finish my shopping first before I make a hasty decision on candy. I went over to the produce section for tomatoes to put on our dinner salad. They looked amazingly red and it brought back memories of eating fresh tomatoes out of the garden.  All the bright colored fruits and vegetables looked so vibrate and inviting. I grabbed a couple bunches and never went back to the candy aisle but directly to the checkout.
As I was putting the groceries in the back of my car, I decided to enjoy one on the way home. I ate two as a matter of fact and thought for a second how I beat that little voice in my head. Much better choice.

GREAT another Obstacle!

It was was a cold winter day in Michigan but the sun was out so I though I would take my pup for a walk. Dexter my Shepard was only about 8 months old and we were putting him through basic training and as part my homework was to keep it up. I bundled up and we headed out the door. We walked about 2 miles then headed home, I was cold.  We cut through a church parking lot and hit some ice. Dexter was to the left of me when his right foreleg slide out in front of my left leg. I saw his leg cross mine and in that quick second all I could see was me stepping on his leg taking a step forward. I was afraid that I would break it. It was instant reaction to fall forward on my knees to avoid it. This all happened in an instant. 250 lbs + of me crashed straight down on  my knees on  icy pavement. I screamed  in agony as I fell over in pain and poor Dexter was freaking out. I held on to his leash and didn't let go afraid he would run off and get hit by a car. I laid on the icy pavement looking up at the sky just screaming and crying holding onto to a cowering dog that was scared holding his tail between his legs.  Both my legs felt like they were broke. I wasn't able to get up, at least not yet. Cars driving by and  NO ONE  saw me lying flat on my back with a dog attached to me. I could have been bleeding to death.  The pain was overwhelming as it was surging up my legs into my hips and back. I was trying to think how am I going to get home? I was only a block away  but I had no phone, I had to try to walk and soon because it was getting really cold and it started to snowing again.

I managed to get myself on one knee painfully as the left one was getting stiff. I could hardly bend it to get myself up. Dexter looked totally confused  and scare as I was pulling on his leash trying to use him as leverage.  My  jeans were tight,  wet and cold and  restricted my movement. I limped, and dragged myself whimpering. Seemed like it took an hour to go one block.  Poor Dexter kept looking up at me very timid and ready to run. My husband was sitting in his lazy boy working on something and didn't really say anything but hello as he walked past him directly into the bedroom. I was trying not to sob.I don't like pain and I surely don't tell anyone when I am in pain. I dropped the lease and Dexter ran into his kennel.  I left a trail of clothes all the way to the bedroom, I didn't care I wanted to die. Trying to pull off wet frozen jeans was painful. I crawled on to the bed slowly and  put a pillow under my knees. As I warmed up they started to swell  more and the pain increased, there were throbbing now.
Tom heard me whimpering and came in to see why.  My face was red, my eyes full of tears. I looked up at him and began sobbing again. My right knee grew about the size of a soccer ball instantly and was turning all kinds of colors, red, yellow, black and blue. Tom said we needed to go to urgent care right away.  He helped me put a dress on to get into the car as it was the only thing I could wear given the circumstance. I had ice bags on my knees as I hobbled to the car. After x rays it turns out that I only had badly bruised the bones on both knees but the right knee was a bit worse. I managed to bruise the tendons and the bones. I had to wear a knee braces on my right knee and crutches for about a week, I have stairs at work and it was horrible experience. I was miserable and all I could thinking about is how am I going to work out if my knees don't work. What if I have damaged them to the point of I can't workout anymore? I'm going to get fatter and fatter. I'm DOOMED! I was really feeling sorry for myself and had no idea what I was going to do.
It took a couple months for me to not feel daily pain, but the pain never really went away. Now I had another obstacle to deal with as if I didn't have enough.

Simple Really

Through all my weight loss stories and yo yo dieting I really thought I was eating clean and healthy. The program that I will share with you in up coming pots taught me what it REALLY means to eat clean. Processed foods are so much of our lives we take it for granted and assume we are doing our bodies good. Its not your fault. We are told daily by big corporate company's what to eat. Frozen meals, snacks, cereals, breads, fortified this, enriched that.  Take a minute to slow down and educate yourself on the ingredient list, and understand what they are really saying. When people ask me how I lost all my weight, I tell them that I eat like my grand parents did. Out of the garden. Simple really!

Smiley Faces and Sad Faces.

My weight was 260 lbs and I felt helpless even with all the working out and watching my food choices.  When I was 43 I started to have trouble with my menstrual cycle. It was getting physically harder to work out or even function normally.  I had a lot of cramps and was just miserable. Along with the physical aspect of things, I was mentally feeling frustrated. I was fatigued, achy and getting very depressed. I had no regularity anymore.SURPRISE!! The time of the month (TOM) would show up randomly and often. I had my annual appointment with my Gyn and I explained the symptoms crying through the whole thing. She said because of my age that it was important to get checked out, we didn't want any surprises. I made an appointment and she gave me some options.  We decided to go with the Ablation procedure and hopefully that would take care of everything.
http://women.webmd.com/endometrial-ablation-16200

That procedure was the best thing I could have done. It turns out I was a perfect candidate as I did have some mommy parts that needed to looked into.  My energy increased, my stamina improved, my body stopped hurting and most of all my depression lifted and I felt like a new person, I was eager to get back to my active lifestyle with new found motivation.

After my procedure I was back at the grind again. By late October of 2010 I got my weight down to 242. Looking back in my records it took me over a year to lose 18 lbs. REALLY, ONLY 18 lbs? I look back at my journals now and I can see the frustrations of failing over and over. I used smiley and sad faces I see many sad faces with some really deep pen strokes of scribbles  Like, I wanted to stab the book. But I had to hold myself accountable no one else was going to.

So there it is, yet another journal entry that showed jut how frustrated I was. Some times you can just feel doomed when you put effort into something and not to see results. I was glad that I lost 18 lbs ,but I still was not comfortable in my own skin. I was not meant to be this size, I just knew it.

This is so true. I'm a pretty optimistic person normally but when I really started to think about food in a holistic way, things changed. I learned what foods made me feel good, or frumpy and down right tired. Its take more than one meal but try eating clean eating for 3 days and see how your mood shifts. Do it for a week and notice your energy lift. Do it for a month and see physical changes in your hair, face, and skin (and you might lose a clothing size too.). Try it for a life time and NO ONE can kick you to the curb!

I love shoes, no doubt about it.  In my 40's I finally feel comfortable enough to wear high heel sexy shoes. I think it's time for some "Shoe Porn ". Some pretty pink ones to go with that Easter Dress. Happy Easter everyone.

Here's your sign

CLASSIC!

Biggest Loser

Seeing myself with Gerard Butler and having my  fan picture go global I had to take the weight off. I used that experience as a motivator. I was back to journaling all my food, and activity. I walked every day dreaming about meeting Gerard Butler again.  One evening in 2010 I was flipping channels trying to ward of the evening cravings and I caught an episode of the Biggest Loser. I used to watch this show all the time and loved it. How hard the exercised, how they had meal plans to follow but the last few years was more about the drama. Who hates who, all the crying and how mean Jillian is. It was less about the food and exercise plan. I sat through the show anyway and at the end, they had a blurb about tryouts for Season 11 in Canton Michigan. Do you qualify? I thought for a second, what if? I have always dreamed what if I had the opportunity? I was getting excited and I called my brother, who is a real large guy as well. I asked him if he would like to join me. They were looking for families this season. All my family struggles with weight issues why not try this.
The first words out of my brothers mouth were HELL NO! He's a truck driver and works hard at his job and was not about to doing something crazy like this. I pleaded with him to try out with me, I called my mother in hopes that she could talk him into it. NO luck, I was on my own

I downloaded the application  for the Biggest Loser Season 11 and started to plot out my plan. The applications was over 11 pages. They wanted a lot of detail and it was quite time consuming to fill out. I was at home and I had no one to take my picture. I had my 7 year old son stand on a chair and take my picture. After multple pictures I found one that was worthy.

This picture is very hard for me to post, as it is not very flattering and it reminds me of how sad I was. You can tell by the look on my face that I wasn't very happy but they wanted the facts and I was going to give them the facts. Canton, was only about an hour away, I could make the trek and be home by dinner. I set my alarm for 4 am. The website said auditions were at 8 am. I packed a light lunch, a blanket, umbrella, coffee and a chair. The forecast was for rain that day, but at least it wasn't cold.
I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I packed the car and headed out by 5 am. No traffic, just me the radio and darkness. I had on cropped pants, flip flops and a long flowing earthy colored shirt. I wanted to look nice but needed to be comfortable too.
I got to the location and not many cars yet, that was good news. It was being hosted in a furniture store interestingly enough. I wonder how lazy boys were sold that day.
Mostly women lined up on the sidewalk running down the side of the building. I left my coffee cup behind as I wouldn't be able to take a bathroom break or I would lose my place in line. I grabbed my picnic chair, blanket, umbrella my sandwich and headed to the back of the line. Only about 30 people so far. I made my way to the end saying hello and smiling as I passed by people. It was very quiet, no one said hello back. I thought to myself this is going to be a long day if I can't talk to anyone.

Daylight broke and the misty rain stopped, hopefully the sunshine would lighten up the mood. People watching is always interesting. I saw people bring in bags and bags of fast food and coffee to their friends waiting in line. Some had big coolers of food and big thermoses of drink others had food delivered..I saw a lot of junk food and big gulps as I sat quietly and ate my apple.

The line started moving so we all gathered up our stuff and walked slowly in the front of the building. When we got inside the furniture store you could see all the lines wind around like we were waiting for a roller coaster. People passed each other in opposite directions and small chatter was beginning to start. Most of the comments were light, just conversation about the cool lamp or coffee table but it was at least talking. I was passing a very large women when she turned and looked at me and said in a rather loud tone "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'R NOT FAT!" I almost tripped and fell on a lamp shade as that comment hit me. I looked at her completely confused. I wasn't mad but more surprised and upset to hear something like that. I'm in line with a bunch of fat people and I'm getting yelled at for not being fat enough? Oh God, I need to get past this lady before she yells at me some more. Luckily, I didn't see her again as I approached the front. One of the workers for the Biggest Loser spoke up and said they are calling people in groups of 7, when you number is called go the right or left and follow the signs. My number was 5.
Me and my group of 7 waited in a hallway for about 15 minutes and then a door opened. A really  pretty girl with a name tag on smiled and waved us into a room. We all sat around a banquet table and folding chairs waiting for instructions. We were told we each had 5 minutes to share our story. One by one we each spoke as to why we though we should be chosen. We handed in our filled out application and photos and  then were escorted out the back door.
I got out to my car and thought, what just happened. All that uncomfortable waiting for half the day, being verbally yelled and it was over in 5 minutes? Needless to say I was not contacted. Congratulations to those that were.

September of 2010 my weight was 255. It was going the wrong way and it was driving me crazy. I write down all my food, I eat healthy  I exercise, what is my problem.

I went to my doctor in search of some explanation as to why everything I was doing wasn't working. My doctor is a little old man about 5 foot tall with larger than usual ears. My husband called him Yoda, but never to his face. He was such a great guy he would say nice things like you're beautiful,you have such a wonderful personalty, Look at the bright side, you have your health. Always trying to make light of my situation. We talked about options and what I can try. We decided on a diet pill. Thinking OK, maybe I was just eating to much. I'm not much for pulls but I was willing to try anything. I took the diet pills as instructed and I don't think I slept for a week. It was weird how it worked, I wasn't jittery or anything just awake all the time. I continued to record my food, exercise and keep my journal. I did this for them for over 6 months and by March my weight climbed to 262.I turned into a total basket case.

One of my friends that has dealt with yo yo dieting much like myself had decided to do the lap-band. She was and is very successful with it and seemed happy enough so I though that I would look into it. Tom and I went back in forth about how I thought I needed it and how he thought I was totally crazy,  In the end he went for it, anything to make me happy he says. So I called my insurance company to see if  I could get any help because it was expensive and no way would I be able to afford this on my salary.
For insurance to cover a procedure like this I needed to have high blood pressure, diabetes or heart disease. My heath is excellent and didn't qualify for any thing. It was the end of world for me at that moment.  I sat in my car crying uncontrollably, thinking I had lost all hope (as I have done so often after each failure) I called Tom and he had to talk me down as I was so shook up after yet another feeling of failure. I couldn't drive home. It was time to go home and regroup.

In the end I really didn't want to do anything that invasive but I was at the point where I was not looking at my health anymore, I just wanted the weight to come off.. On to another plan.