It's your story. Be Fabulous

So it's January, 2016.  I hope you fabulous people didn't do the same resolutions that didn't work last year. Or make ones that are impossible to reach.

Last year, my resolution was to learn another language because I figured I had the food thing down. I jumped in both feet and worked hard at it. I took classes, bought books and I was going to conquer this. However, life gets in the way and I had to put it on the shelf to study for a work thing. Exceptionally boring stuff I might add.  I'll get back to it this year.

This year my goal or resolution was simple. I wanted to lose 20 lbs to get my eating back on track. All the summer craft beers and margaritas can catch up with you.  Healthy eating and movement have always front and center but something about the end of the year that makes it so final.  A new year makes it feel like it's a free pass to start over and be great at it. I'm working on with some gal pals that have the same mission. When you can network, you have power to get thought situations to vent about and to celebrate victories and there is success in numbers.

Make this year all about you. As I get older it's about pampering yourself a little more, be with loved ones and enjoy life. Over this past year I've met some wonderful people that I now consider friends. New relationships and new ideas have blossomed. In 2015, I took a belly dancing,a burlesque class and I learned yoga.  I accomplished more in 2015 but these ones were memorable moments.

Pole dancing popped up in conversations recently, but that one is on hold. Not sure about that one. I can see myself sliding down a pole flat on my face. My point is try something new. Take a dance class, join a team, yoga or get a dog or cat.

So far January 2016 is working out for me and my food plan. Using hCG Activator I'm down 10 lbs and feeling great.  I keep my self accountable with my chalk  board cupboard doors. I get excited to cross of each day.

Whatever big or small just do something that you can call your own and be fabulous about it.

Feeling Selfish

After so many foolish diets, pills, gym memberships, doctors, nutritionist, clinics, nutritional shakes, and starving myself. I was at my wits end. Or at least I thought I was. My body was breaking down physically and mentally I was a basket case.
I saw a commercial for Baratric surgery on TV and thought maybe this was a possibility. I was really nervous to call but I sucked it up and called.
It was an evening appointment and I went after work. I remember exactly what I wore that day almost 3 years ago like it was yesterday. I had been down to the clinic before when I visited the nutritionist a few months earlier. This time the room had long tables with folding chairs in a lecture setting. I was early so I could get a seat and I had no idea of what to expect. They had information  folders on the table with pens to take notes about a dozen were laid out. I was the first person in the room and I got a sudden fear. What if someone I knew came in? What would they think? As people began to make their way into the room I started to feel really foolish for this decision. It was clearly a life or death situation for these folks and I felt horrible for wasting anyone's time. One women came in a wheel chair and others had assistance and oxygen tanks.  What was I thinking, I felt so selfish. I was afraid to leave because I would get noticed so I sat quietly wishing I would vanish into the corner. I sat through the hour long presentation as the professionals talked about the different types of procedures available. It was all presented very well and the care that would be provided. At the end they had us each  figure out a BMI chart and a check list of any medical problems. High blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, etc. I filled out the chart, no blood pressure problems, no diabetes  no hypertension. All clean. When I got to the weight part I could feel my breathe getting shallower and quicker. I was 7 lbs short of the the allowable weight.  One comment sticks out in my mind. The nice lady that was helping me fill out my chart said that I was only 7 lbs short to qualify and that I needed to gain weight. I don't know if she was joking or serious but I will never forget it. I politely said thank you for you time, but no thank you, gaining weight was not an option. I quietly excused myself walked out to my car and sat there in the quiet for a few minutes, replaying the whole experience in my head.  While it was not a pleasant experience I did realize that I was not a bad off as I had worked up in my own mind. I had my health my family and friends. I was still in charge of my own destiny. I just needed to find the right combination.

September of 2010 my weight was 255. It was going the wrong way and it was driving me crazy. I write down all my food, I eat healthy  I exercise, what is my problem.

I went to my doctor in search of some explanation as to why everything I was doing wasn't working. My doctor is a little old man about 5 foot tall with larger than usual ears. My husband called him Yoda, but never to his face. He was such a great guy he would say nice things like you're beautiful,you have such a wonderful personalty, Look at the bright side, you have your health. Always trying to make light of my situation. We talked about options and what I can try. We decided on a diet pill. Thinking OK, maybe I was just eating to much. I'm not much for pulls but I was willing to try anything. I took the diet pills as instructed and I don't think I slept for a week. It was weird how it worked, I wasn't jittery or anything just awake all the time. I continued to record my food, exercise and keep my journal. I did this for them for over 6 months and by March my weight climbed to 262.I turned into a total basket case.

One of my friends that has dealt with yo yo dieting much like myself had decided to do the lap-band. She was and is very successful with it and seemed happy enough so I though that I would look into it. Tom and I went back in forth about how I thought I needed it and how he thought I was totally crazy,  In the end he went for it, anything to make me happy he says. So I called my insurance company to see if  I could get any help because it was expensive and no way would I be able to afford this on my salary.
For insurance to cover a procedure like this I needed to have high blood pressure, diabetes or heart disease. My heath is excellent and didn't qualify for any thing. It was the end of world for me at that moment.  I sat in my car crying uncontrollably, thinking I had lost all hope (as I have done so often after each failure) I called Tom and he had to talk me down as I was so shook up after yet another feeling of failure. I couldn't drive home. It was time to go home and regroup.

In the end I really didn't want to do anything that invasive but I was at the point where I was not looking at my health anymore, I just wanted the weight to come off.. On to another plan.