Discipline

10 days in on my food plan with HCG Activator and I've lost only 4lbs. The vodka was probably not my best idea but, I have to admit  this is more difficult to do than in the past. I'm sure its because I worked so hard at losing 80 lbs that It's really hard to get back on the wagon and handle restriction. I have a stubborn 15 lbs that needs to come off and its a slow process.  Fighting the aging process is no walk in the park either. To be totally honest I'm 98 % with the plan.  I'm not eating bad stuff but maybe a mouthful of peanut butter here or an extra tomato there or a bite of sauce on a piece of chicken which was probably more chicken that I was suppose to have. I know this program works, I just have to be honest with myself.

Plan for Success

I just came back from a week long conference for work. Very enjoyable, great food, friends and business. They had a expo of samples and expos are a weaknesses for me. I'm one of those people that if its free, I take if and figure out what to do with it later. Its like Christmas watching my kids (and husband) riffle through it. I brought back a lot of food goodies for quick snacks

See what I'm talking about? Lots of little things that are great for lunches and snacking but not so good when I'm on a food plan.
Now, I do have pretty good discipline and have learned to make good decisions but, every now and then you just get a hankering for something and you have to learn to walk away. Over the last couple of years I did gain a little weight back. I used my work conference as a way of getting it all out of my system. I now can put all my energy on the next 6 weeks and focus. My goal is to lose 20 pounds! I planned, plotted  for 3 weeks and today is my first day on my HCG Activator program. My first order of business is to hide all this booty so it doesn't find my booty. Second order is to hit the grocery store for all the food on the plan to avoid deviation.

And the rest goes something like this.
1. Start my journal
2. Record my weight and measurements (pictures of needed)
3. Add in moderate exercise. I'm on a low calorie plan which means I don't want to beat myself up.
4. Begin my accountability: My blog and facebook. The trick is to NOT to keep it a secret. Let your friends and family help you. They only want the best for you.
Follow my on the ups and downs of what it takes to lose weight and all the dirty details. I know it's not going to a piece of cake, (ok, bad pun) but, I do know that if I don't plan I will  fail.

Kitchen Cupboard

My timeline is written in my kitchen for all the world to see, in Chalk. I plan to cross off each day. This is my accountability, What's yours?

Time to take the comforter off.

This winter was hard, or at least it really felt like it. It finally appears to be spring now and I'm ready to cast aside the tights boots and dark sweaters. As I look at all my colorful spring clothes I begin to wonder.... will I fit into them? Panic sets in.  I dove in and pulled stuff out like it was sale rack. I tossed clothes on the bed to re-antiquate myself with my wardrobe. Better outcome than I thought. I did fit into most everything but, I felt like I had a coat on.

Let me better explain. I got the clothes on but I didn't feel quite right. Muffin top here, pound cake there. Yup, I had added a layer all over from the winter and my stuff was uncomfortable.  Now, I have to tell my body WINTER IS gone and its time to put together an action plan. I need to shed the comforter skin suit that I gained over the winter so I can wear my swimsuit.

I decided to do a round of HCG Activator this month to get kick start my spring/summer plan. Ive done it before and shed 62 lbs, I can do this again to take off a mediocre 15. My food plan is all prepped out for the week, I have everything prepared, my alarms are ready, water bottles filled. I have a wonderful support group of friends and family to lean on. You know, for the those days that you just can't make it without that cookie.

I have my pals at The Institution that for sure will make sure I'm getting my sweat on. So, you see I have NO excuse as to why I can't be successful with my success plan.

I got this!

New Years Resolution

I vowed that I was never going to make a New Years resolution. Feels like it's a set up for failure to me. So many people say they are going to eat healthy, move more etc.  But, its a trap and its hard to stick to it especially when it's 10 below zero and the last thing you want to do is go outside. Plus,he healthy foods you need are not available or a poor quality from some 3rd world country filled with pesticides. Get my point?

I lost my 80 lbs with better planning and better weather. I'm the kind of gal that always has to have challenges or projects to keep me moving or I get bored. Never stop moving and learning, plenty of time for sleep when your dead right?

I decided to learn Italian. Why not? it's a romance language and after all my husband is Italian and has lots of family in Italy. I have always found the country beautiful and intriguing and I hope to visit one day.

I vowed to do a little bit of work in it each day to keep myself going. First, I visited the local library for some world traveling in books and got my hands on some Language audio CD, to listen to on my commute to work. My kids think I'm nuts but they are stuck with it.

Then I downloaded as many free apps I could find and I visited the local library to get me started and I found an adult language class in my community  to take advantage of.. Even my dear husband has been supportive and bought me some books and we are attempting to learn it together. For Valentines Day he even made me a little Italian gift basket. He is so sweet to think like that.

Now, my schedule is already tight so between my food prepping fresh foods and my workouts at The Institution, I can do this.

It's Finally Here!

How's it going so far? Feel like you're not getting results? Don't feel alone, we've all been there with the bad days, and unmotivated moments.When I was on my journey I always looked for information on fitness, healthy foods and nutritious ways to stay motivated and most of all way to stay positive. Sometimes you just want to throw in the towel, but you can't. Don't give up.

I worked with Stephen Adele on this book to share my transformation story and I'm so proud. My goal is to help others that are going through what I did. This book is packed with great advice and many success stories to keep you charged and motivated.

Meet The Author- Stephen Adele

Keep it up, you CAN make a difference.

Buy the Book

It's warmer on Mars than in Michigan

I don't feel like I'm in Michigan anymore. It's -30 wind chill, my boys are on their 3 snow day, my car won't start, and we are buried under about 14 inches of snow and its too cold to go out and romp around.
So with that, what does one do with your time when you want to be nothing by lazy. Because its so cold all I want to eat is cook comfort food and keep the oven on. But, alas I'm holding pretty good on making sure I don't eat everything in the fridge. I prepped some healthy options in the house for me to eat as I'm spend time in the kitchen. I always make sure to eat first. The real trick when you are bored is to not exceed portions by snacking. If you're lazy, you need less food. I am also on my low calorie with HCG Activator right now so I have to mindful of how many calories I am eating and I need to add with I add exercise.

I have to admit that I have not worked out in the last couple days since we are not allowed to be out on the roads unless its necessary. In order to counteract, I am really limiting what I put into my mouth by drinking water and staying focused. I have a goal and I don't like to fail.

I finally dragged myself to the The Institution and boy, am I glad I did. I took a PiYo Strength class- It's a combination of yoga and strength training. You'll be amazed how much you sweat doing yoga poses and feeling your body stretch, feeling taller and straighter. It was a tricky few days but I still managed to lose 3 lbs in the wake of it all. Keep it up

Setting up a plan for 2014

I have some pretty good things happening at the end of this month and I am on a mission.

Thanks to The Institution I have definitely been moving. With all the different options in classes no way can I get bored. They have been kinda slow because of the holiday but its been a bonus for me as I get the individualized attention. Maybe that's why I can hardly walk today.....Thanks Paul and Jennifer. Anyway, it's getting my year started off right.They offer personalized training and nutritional support. And, the best part is they make you feel like family. Check it out. http://institutionfitness.com/ They much more than what I can explain here.

I would like shave off 10 to 12 lbs while I'm working out to get that cutting edge feel. So I'm doing a double whammy with workouts and food plan.I decided to jump back on a round of hCG Activator for this month and see if I can rock this out. I lost a  over 60lbs with this eating program and I feel good about using it again. You know, if you ever want to see me in action I'm a success coach for this product on FaceBook.  https://www.facebook.com/HCGactivator Meet the whole community and see for yourself how this works.

Its 2014 Give it all you got!

Sporting a New Body

By September 2011 I was at 186 lbs. into a size 10 and stepped up my exercise program My aches and pains went away and I was more motivated to keep going.   I loved to go shopping because now I could find things that fit without grabbing several sizes of the same thing. It was horrible shopping when I was heavy, Things didn't fit right or I had to try on multiple sizes and that would take forever. The problem I had now was I kept trying on things that were to big. That has never happened to me.
I found a new love for thrift shopping  In the past I would go into thrift shops but the bigger girl clothes were not stylish or was there a good selection. I was dropping weight so fast that I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I hit cheap stores. As a matter of fact the top in this picture I picked up from Goodwill.
My measurements from July to September were:

Waist 40.5 to 35
Hips 43 to 41
Thighs 23 to 21.5
Bust 36 to 34
It was summer and I was sporting a new body. One that I have never had before and I wasn't sure what to do. I fit into clothes off the rack and I wanted to show off all my hard work. Now to look for a 2 piece swim suit. Could I should I, HA, who cares- I'm going to do it.
I added some weights to my exercise routines but I gotta be honest. I wasn't working out that hard. I had beat myself up for so many years that I was done with the pain. I now understand that I can win this battle in the kitchen.

Feeling like a Loser

I'm sorry that it seems like I've been in hiding. I really haven't but life has been catching up to me. I'm working really hard to put things back into perspective. I know its easy to say take time out for yourself but sometimes things just get out of control and you can't help but feel like you are sinking.
I just got back from a 3 day field trip with my son's fourth grade class and let me tell you it about killed me. 120 people in charter buses with overloaded schedules to stuff educational information into our children which most of them wont remember a 3rd of it.
Let me back up a little to lead to play out the story.  My boot camp was over 2 months ago and I swore that I would keep up the exercises. Well, life happened and I didn't do it. 2 months of not working out and slipping with my food choices and eating things that I don't normally eat. A chip here, bread there I gained a few lbs. I knew better but my will power wasn't there yet because of my busy schedule (excuses). I figured I can take off 5 lbs no problem. This popped up that popped up and I was up to needing to lose 10 lbs. WOW where is the time going??? What is going on.
I'm planning this 3 day trip of back to back activity knowing that my food choices were not going to easy but I really had no idea what I was getting into. I packed some apples, black berries, raspberries and water and we ate it all the first day. I also had some trail mix with almonds, chocolate chips and dried cranberries. A gallon size bag half full misc chips, pretzels, chex mix and the like, for the kid to munch on during the 4 hour trip to our destination and back.
Up at 4 am to load up and to  leave on the bus by 5:45. ZOOM. up early, to bed late and lot packed in the middle. We were held captive to subs, pizza and sandwiches on the bus. They did take us to a buffet.(sad face) We lived off of vending machines at rest areas. Never in a million years did I think I would be looking at a vending machine for dinner.

I get home at 4:30 pm and I'm ready for bed by 5. I hold out a bit longer but I wind up kissing my family good night and I bail by 7 only to get up a 5 am to start my daily routine of school and work. As I drag my butt out of bed I jump on scale and I'm mortified. I knew it was going to be bad but this bad? I weighed 201 lb. Highest weight in over 2 years. I was staying in between 189 and 193 for about 6 months and now I hit 201? I worked to hard for my weight to creep back on. I signed up for a 21 day boot camp to get me motivated. I missed 3 days because of my trip but I hit it today and I will every day for the next 17 days. I knew I was going to be tired and it was going to suck. Guess what? it did SUCK, a lot!. I had a hard time completing my rounds and keeping up and I was feeling like a loser. I pushed harder and didn't give up. Emeka says "Hey Carla, Long time no see" I can hardly breath, I'm really tired and I mumble whatever.......!

Now, I know that I'm not really loser but what happens with me when I've had a tough stretch and my world  feels like it crashes a little. I get on myself pretty hard and add up all the things that are going wrong. I'm usually in this feeling sorry for myself phase for a few hours and then I start to pull it together to climb out my own mess. I have some motivational tools that I fall back on that I use often. This blog is one of them. It's venting about problem so I recognize how I got here, I'm owning it. Then I plot what I'm going to do to fix it,  that's holding me accountable. So yes, boot camp sucked today, but I ate right today and I will get plenty of sleep to start another new day tomorrow.Just keep going. No magic here, just keep going and you will thank yourself later.

Over 60 total inches lost

The month of August was epic for me. I swear I would try on something too small and then a week later it would fit.  I have so many pictures of my weight loss that I had to put it all in albums. And, now I am so glad that I did it. I can look back and it makes me proud every time of  I have done for myself.
This is me at 195 lbs. I was at a new low weight and I wanted to keep going. I originally set small goals but when I blew past 200 it was game on. Not only was I losing weight I was losing inches fast. It was round this time when I had my fat dream and scared myself awake.

 Now my measurements are getting impressive
July 2010              July 28th 2011
Weight 262           Weight 195 lbs
Hips 54                Hips 43
Thigh 39.5           Thigh 23
Bust 49                Bust 36
Waist 51              Waist 40.5
That is 61.5 inches of body that is GONE.
Totally amazing how I was feeling inside and out. I was really getting into reading about health and fitness. All about how food works in the body, the advantages of eating clean. I LOVED shopping for fresh natural foods and cooking in my kitchen. I had put in a garden and we grilled everything on the grill.Loving my 40's.

Giddy

Usual trips to doctors. It was time to visit my family doctor. No one had seen me for over a year and I was 62lbs lighter from my last visit. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face to see how much I have changed  from the old me poor whoa is me crying hating the way I looked into a pretty proud hot mom. The nurse walked in and did all my numbers. check check, everything is better than normal Blood pressure 95 or 65 Yeah, Ill take it. Doctor walked in reading my chart and said what ever I was doing keep it up. I had studied up on the hcg plan and I had no problems with it. But this was the icing on the cake for me. I had my proof that I stayed healthy and lost all the weight I wanted and then some.

hCG Activator Day One and Two

Its March 27th, 2011, My weight is 245 lbs. I had my hCG Activator from GNC  in hand and my grocery list ready for the food. I was suppose to load for 2 days? Really? I had to look at my make up for oils? I had to survive off of 500 calories a day? What was I getting myself into? M husband admitted later that he was afraid that if I couldn't eat I would kill someone. I guess I'm crabby when I'm hungry. I read read and read the instructions repeatedly, I was so worried that I would mess up for some reason. It was a very limited menu and pretty simple so my chances of screwing up was low.  I followed the instructions and I loaded for 2 days and I ate whatever I wanted. I really had a hard time eating so much as I had no appetite from the pills and I have always restricted myself from the foods that I loved and I just got used to not eating much.
By the end of the 2 days my weight climbed to 248 lbs. OMG!I was freaking out and I prayed that this program  worked.  It said in the directions that this could happen, the weight will come off. I shopped, cooked and prepped my food for the week ahead. I planned it all on my my calendar day by day, I set an alarm on my phone at 7:00 am and 3:00 pm to remind me to take my pills, I bought Vitamin D and a good Multi vitamin to make up for the lack of Dairy, I planned everything for 30 days. Every birthday party, holiday or school function. I was NOT going to have an excuse to mess this up.  And most importantly I used my www.www.fatsecret.com to record all my weight daily and my journal to write down how I was feeling, if I had any side effects or problems it would all be in my journal.

I kept this journal my by bed and the scale in the closet with a pen close by.
I absolutely positively hate this picture but it was the only one I had for a before picture. I really avoided the camera feeling so uncomfortable in my skin.  Its hard to see this again but I really wanted to show that's it possible to be successful with the right program and the right support.
What I really hate about this picture is that my son took this picture  He was 7 at the time and had to stand on a chair to take it. I felt so awful looking at it and as I looked into his eyes I wondered what he thought of me for having him take the picture. Just as my eyes filled up with tears he stepped off the chair and told me that I was a beautiful mommy. I was speechless, I gave him the biggest hug ever and said thank you dear, I love you too.
What a tough day!!!

HCG Activator- Do your homework

Its late March 2010 Not long after I was shot down with the bariatric thing  I was home watching the Dr Oz show. It was a show about something called HCG. Tom and I watched it together. My husband is so awesome for supporting me with all the stupid things that I've tried in the past. I guess its his way of watching over me so I don't do anything completely carzy. Anyway, Dr Oz  had on 6 people that had lost a significant amount of weight on this stuff   along with a restricted diet plan.. They had both pros and cons of the product but overall the reviews were good. After the show I spent some time on line to find out more about this product. It turns out that it was a shot and you had to have a doctor for it. I would have to get with my doctor and see what his thoughts were. But I never did because I had heard that insurance wouldn't cover it and the the price was something like $900. Really? no way.

A couple weeks later my husband went to GNC to get some vitamins, because we're Gold Card members and we have to go the first 10 days of the month to go to get the good deals.  Anyway, he saw a big poster advertising hCG Activator. He came home and told me about me about it and we hit the internet. We Googled hCG Activator and did our homework. It had good Reviews, not to expensive and I figured I wouldn't be out much if it didn't work. See my optimism bubbling? We got the product and sat down with the directions. I had to read them a few times because of all the things to follow with the food types and lotions. I was afraid that I would do something wrong and I really wanted this to work.

I planned out the foods and what I could eat and not eat. I looked at all my makeups and lotions as required, I looked at my calendar for holidays that I have to contend with. I surfed Facebook and found the hCG Activator site and immediately started following it, like surveillance work. I wanted to see who was on the page, was it real, were people successful. Only about 400 people were on the page at the time but I stuck it out to see what this was all about. I carefully read the side effects page and we decided that if I experienced any side effects at all  I would stop immediately. Health is my main concern, nothing is worth giving yourself a heart attack or worse.. He said he was going to watch me like a hawk and anything changed he would notice. I shopped for my specific food, got my scale out and I was ready. It felt like this was my last ditch effort to take control of my weight. This HAD to work.
LET's DO THIS.

Feeling Selfish

After so many foolish diets, pills, gym memberships, doctors, nutritionist, clinics, nutritional shakes, and starving myself. I was at my wits end. Or at least I thought I was. My body was breaking down physically and mentally I was a basket case.
I saw a commercial for Baratric surgery on TV and thought maybe this was a possibility. I was really nervous to call but I sucked it up and called.
It was an evening appointment and I went after work. I remember exactly what I wore that day almost 3 years ago like it was yesterday. I had been down to the clinic before when I visited the nutritionist a few months earlier. This time the room had long tables with folding chairs in a lecture setting. I was early so I could get a seat and I had no idea of what to expect. They had information  folders on the table with pens to take notes about a dozen were laid out. I was the first person in the room and I got a sudden fear. What if someone I knew came in? What would they think? As people began to make their way into the room I started to feel really foolish for this decision. It was clearly a life or death situation for these folks and I felt horrible for wasting anyone's time. One women came in a wheel chair and others had assistance and oxygen tanks.  What was I thinking, I felt so selfish. I was afraid to leave because I would get noticed so I sat quietly wishing I would vanish into the corner. I sat through the hour long presentation as the professionals talked about the different types of procedures available. It was all presented very well and the care that would be provided. At the end they had us each  figure out a BMI chart and a check list of any medical problems. High blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, etc. I filled out the chart, no blood pressure problems, no diabetes  no hypertension. All clean. When I got to the weight part I could feel my breathe getting shallower and quicker. I was 7 lbs short of the the allowable weight.  One comment sticks out in my mind. The nice lady that was helping me fill out my chart said that I was only 7 lbs short to qualify and that I needed to gain weight. I don't know if she was joking or serious but I will never forget it. I politely said thank you for you time, but no thank you, gaining weight was not an option. I quietly excused myself walked out to my car and sat there in the quiet for a few minutes, replaying the whole experience in my head.  While it was not a pleasant experience I did realize that I was not a bad off as I had worked up in my own mind. I had my health my family and friends. I was still in charge of my own destiny. I just needed to find the right combination.

GREAT another Obstacle!

It was was a cold winter day in Michigan but the sun was out so I though I would take my pup for a walk. Dexter my Shepard was only about 8 months old and we were putting him through basic training and as part my homework was to keep it up. I bundled up and we headed out the door. We walked about 2 miles then headed home, I was cold.  We cut through a church parking lot and hit some ice. Dexter was to the left of me when his right foreleg slide out in front of my left leg. I saw his leg cross mine and in that quick second all I could see was me stepping on his leg taking a step forward. I was afraid that I would break it. It was instant reaction to fall forward on my knees to avoid it. This all happened in an instant. 250 lbs + of me crashed straight down on  my knees on  icy pavement. I screamed  in agony as I fell over in pain and poor Dexter was freaking out. I held on to his leash and didn't let go afraid he would run off and get hit by a car. I laid on the icy pavement looking up at the sky just screaming and crying holding onto to a cowering dog that was scared holding his tail between his legs.  Both my legs felt like they were broke. I wasn't able to get up, at least not yet. Cars driving by and  NO ONE  saw me lying flat on my back with a dog attached to me. I could have been bleeding to death.  The pain was overwhelming as it was surging up my legs into my hips and back. I was trying to think how am I going to get home? I was only a block away  but I had no phone, I had to try to walk and soon because it was getting really cold and it started to snowing again.

I managed to get myself on one knee painfully as the left one was getting stiff. I could hardly bend it to get myself up. Dexter looked totally confused  and scare as I was pulling on his leash trying to use him as leverage.  My  jeans were tight,  wet and cold and  restricted my movement. I limped, and dragged myself whimpering. Seemed like it took an hour to go one block.  Poor Dexter kept looking up at me very timid and ready to run. My husband was sitting in his lazy boy working on something and didn't really say anything but hello as he walked past him directly into the bedroom. I was trying not to sob.I don't like pain and I surely don't tell anyone when I am in pain. I dropped the lease and Dexter ran into his kennel.  I left a trail of clothes all the way to the bedroom, I didn't care I wanted to die. Trying to pull off wet frozen jeans was painful. I crawled on to the bed slowly and  put a pillow under my knees. As I warmed up they started to swell  more and the pain increased, there were throbbing now.
Tom heard me whimpering and came in to see why.  My face was red, my eyes full of tears. I looked up at him and began sobbing again. My right knee grew about the size of a soccer ball instantly and was turning all kinds of colors, red, yellow, black and blue. Tom said we needed to go to urgent care right away.  He helped me put a dress on to get into the car as it was the only thing I could wear given the circumstance. I had ice bags on my knees as I hobbled to the car. After x rays it turns out that I only had badly bruised the bones on both knees but the right knee was a bit worse. I managed to bruise the tendons and the bones. I had to wear a knee braces on my right knee and crutches for about a week, I have stairs at work and it was horrible experience. I was miserable and all I could thinking about is how am I going to work out if my knees don't work. What if I have damaged them to the point of I can't workout anymore? I'm going to get fatter and fatter. I'm DOOMED! I was really feeling sorry for myself and had no idea what I was going to do.
It took a couple months for me to not feel daily pain, but the pain never really went away. Now I had another obstacle to deal with as if I didn't have enough.

Smiley Faces and Sad Faces.

My weight was 260 lbs and I felt helpless even with all the working out and watching my food choices.  When I was 43 I started to have trouble with my menstrual cycle. It was getting physically harder to work out or even function normally.  I had a lot of cramps and was just miserable. Along with the physical aspect of things, I was mentally feeling frustrated. I was fatigued, achy and getting very depressed. I had no regularity anymore.SURPRISE!! The time of the month (TOM) would show up randomly and often. I had my annual appointment with my Gyn and I explained the symptoms crying through the whole thing. She said because of my age that it was important to get checked out, we didn't want any surprises. I made an appointment and she gave me some options.  We decided to go with the Ablation procedure and hopefully that would take care of everything.
http://women.webmd.com/endometrial-ablation-16200

That procedure was the best thing I could have done. It turns out I was a perfect candidate as I did have some mommy parts that needed to looked into.  My energy increased, my stamina improved, my body stopped hurting and most of all my depression lifted and I felt like a new person, I was eager to get back to my active lifestyle with new found motivation.

After my procedure I was back at the grind again. By late October of 2010 I got my weight down to 242. Looking back in my records it took me over a year to lose 18 lbs. REALLY, ONLY 18 lbs? I look back at my journals now and I can see the frustrations of failing over and over. I used smiley and sad faces I see many sad faces with some really deep pen strokes of scribbles  Like, I wanted to stab the book. But I had to hold myself accountable no one else was going to.

So there it is, yet another journal entry that showed jut how frustrated I was. Some times you can just feel doomed when you put effort into something and not to see results. I was glad that I lost 18 lbs ,but I still was not comfortable in my own skin. I was not meant to be this size, I just knew it.

I love shoes, no doubt about it.  In my 40's I finally feel comfortable enough to wear high heel sexy shoes. I think it's time for some "Shoe Porn ". Some pretty pink ones to go with that Easter Dress. Happy Easter everyone.

Biggest Loser

Seeing myself with Gerard Butler and having my  fan picture go global I had to take the weight off. I used that experience as a motivator. I was back to journaling all my food, and activity. I walked every day dreaming about meeting Gerard Butler again.  One evening in 2010 I was flipping channels trying to ward of the evening cravings and I caught an episode of the Biggest Loser. I used to watch this show all the time and loved it. How hard the exercised, how they had meal plans to follow but the last few years was more about the drama. Who hates who, all the crying and how mean Jillian is. It was less about the food and exercise plan. I sat through the show anyway and at the end, they had a blurb about tryouts for Season 11 in Canton Michigan. Do you qualify? I thought for a second, what if? I have always dreamed what if I had the opportunity? I was getting excited and I called my brother, who is a real large guy as well. I asked him if he would like to join me. They were looking for families this season. All my family struggles with weight issues why not try this.
The first words out of my brothers mouth were HELL NO! He's a truck driver and works hard at his job and was not about to doing something crazy like this. I pleaded with him to try out with me, I called my mother in hopes that she could talk him into it. NO luck, I was on my own

I downloaded the application  for the Biggest Loser Season 11 and started to plot out my plan. The applications was over 11 pages. They wanted a lot of detail and it was quite time consuming to fill out. I was at home and I had no one to take my picture. I had my 7 year old son stand on a chair and take my picture. After multple pictures I found one that was worthy.

This picture is very hard for me to post, as it is not very flattering and it reminds me of how sad I was. You can tell by the look on my face that I wasn't very happy but they wanted the facts and I was going to give them the facts. Canton, was only about an hour away, I could make the trek and be home by dinner. I set my alarm for 4 am. The website said auditions were at 8 am. I packed a light lunch, a blanket, umbrella, coffee and a chair. The forecast was for rain that day, but at least it wasn't cold.
I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I packed the car and headed out by 5 am. No traffic, just me the radio and darkness. I had on cropped pants, flip flops and a long flowing earthy colored shirt. I wanted to look nice but needed to be comfortable too.
I got to the location and not many cars yet, that was good news. It was being hosted in a furniture store interestingly enough. I wonder how lazy boys were sold that day.
Mostly women lined up on the sidewalk running down the side of the building. I left my coffee cup behind as I wouldn't be able to take a bathroom break or I would lose my place in line. I grabbed my picnic chair, blanket, umbrella my sandwich and headed to the back of the line. Only about 30 people so far. I made my way to the end saying hello and smiling as I passed by people. It was very quiet, no one said hello back. I thought to myself this is going to be a long day if I can't talk to anyone.

Daylight broke and the misty rain stopped, hopefully the sunshine would lighten up the mood. People watching is always interesting. I saw people bring in bags and bags of fast food and coffee to their friends waiting in line. Some had big coolers of food and big thermoses of drink others had food delivered..I saw a lot of junk food and big gulps as I sat quietly and ate my apple.

The line started moving so we all gathered up our stuff and walked slowly in the front of the building. When we got inside the furniture store you could see all the lines wind around like we were waiting for a roller coaster. People passed each other in opposite directions and small chatter was beginning to start. Most of the comments were light, just conversation about the cool lamp or coffee table but it was at least talking. I was passing a very large women when she turned and looked at me and said in a rather loud tone "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'R NOT FAT!" I almost tripped and fell on a lamp shade as that comment hit me. I looked at her completely confused. I wasn't mad but more surprised and upset to hear something like that. I'm in line with a bunch of fat people and I'm getting yelled at for not being fat enough? Oh God, I need to get past this lady before she yells at me some more. Luckily, I didn't see her again as I approached the front. One of the workers for the Biggest Loser spoke up and said they are calling people in groups of 7, when you number is called go the right or left and follow the signs. My number was 5.
Me and my group of 7 waited in a hallway for about 15 minutes and then a door opened. A really  pretty girl with a name tag on smiled and waved us into a room. We all sat around a banquet table and folding chairs waiting for instructions. We were told we each had 5 minutes to share our story. One by one we each spoke as to why we though we should be chosen. We handed in our filled out application and photos and  then were escorted out the back door.
I got out to my car and thought, what just happened. All that uncomfortable waiting for half the day, being verbally yelled and it was over in 5 minutes? Needless to say I was not contacted. Congratulations to those that were.

September of 2010 my weight was 255. It was going the wrong way and it was driving me crazy. I write down all my food, I eat healthy  I exercise, what is my problem.

I went to my doctor in search of some explanation as to why everything I was doing wasn't working. My doctor is a little old man about 5 foot tall with larger than usual ears. My husband called him Yoda, but never to his face. He was such a great guy he would say nice things like you're beautiful,you have such a wonderful personalty, Look at the bright side, you have your health. Always trying to make light of my situation. We talked about options and what I can try. We decided on a diet pill. Thinking OK, maybe I was just eating to much. I'm not much for pulls but I was willing to try anything. I took the diet pills as instructed and I don't think I slept for a week. It was weird how it worked, I wasn't jittery or anything just awake all the time. I continued to record my food, exercise and keep my journal. I did this for them for over 6 months and by March my weight climbed to 262.I turned into a total basket case.

One of my friends that has dealt with yo yo dieting much like myself had decided to do the lap-band. She was and is very successful with it and seemed happy enough so I though that I would look into it. Tom and I went back in forth about how I thought I needed it and how he thought I was totally crazy,  In the end he went for it, anything to make me happy he says. So I called my insurance company to see if  I could get any help because it was expensive and no way would I be able to afford this on my salary.
For insurance to cover a procedure like this I needed to have high blood pressure, diabetes or heart disease. My heath is excellent and didn't qualify for any thing. It was the end of world for me at that moment.  I sat in my car crying uncontrollably, thinking I had lost all hope (as I have done so often after each failure) I called Tom and he had to talk me down as I was so shook up after yet another feeling of failure. I couldn't drive home. It was time to go home and regroup.

In the end I really didn't want to do anything that invasive but I was at the point where I was not looking at my health anymore, I just wanted the weight to come off.. On to another plan.

Scrap Booking and Eating are a Dangerous Combination

When I took the BodyBugg off  it was like I put my life on hold. My weight started to creep up to 250 and plus. 2009 was just not my year, bagged it. 2010 will be better right? My husband turned me on to scrap booking with a starter kit that I got for Christmas. He knew I was down on myself and he thought it give me something to do beside moping around the house bitching and complaining about my weight.

All winter I scrapped booked, bought lots of stuff to master the craft. I found reasons to shop for the crafty items, cool bags and storage containers. I even started making holiday and birthday cards from scratch to send out to family and friends  Everyone loved them or said they did as they were original  I have to admit I was getting pretty good at the craft and have several books to show off. (Which are now stored and dusty) I went to a couple scrap booking party's and chit chatted with other mothers. Now, I don't want to offend any scrap bookers out there but its a free for all on eating when you do this hobby. I would unload my supplies and wheel everything into a school library or community center to set up. There was always a fee with these groups to help pay for the facility and food. Over flowing choices of high fat foods, high salt snack mix and desserts.  I remember one time we had chicken enchiladas and all the fixings. You can literally eat all day and  have no idea of what you are putting into you mouth. I would put on my elastic waist band pants and be gone all day eating and gluing pictures.

My weight really started to climb for a variety of reasons. I stopped exercising, I had a sit down hobby. I still didn't  eat fast food, soda or fried foods but I did eat and my will power was low and it was nothing to eat a box of crackers while scrap booking. By March I was 260lbs.

Summer of 2010 I'm sitting in my dream car. Big Black Camaro. But, no room for a car seat, and I was not feeling very sexy to drive it. You want to feel good if you are going to show off in a sports car and at that time I was in hiding as much a possible.

I felt like I had given up on life and stayed home more and more. I wouldn't go out with friends because I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I stayed home with my family and my garden. 

July 15th 2010, was a turning point in my life.For some stupid reason I weighted myself at 10:00 pm and I was 262 lb. I think I cried myself to sleep. I found a small notebook and I started recording all actives for the day including my beginning measurements and food.  I strapped on a NEW BodyBugg  renewed my membership and I was back at it determined to make a difference. Don't ask me why but I bought the new improved smaller black version of the BodyBugg. Yes, I could have used the old one but I wanted to new one to go with my new life. Only money right?

Here were my measurements:

Hips: 54"

Thighs: 29.5" 

Bust: 49" 

Belly: 51"

Biceps: 15"

I figured if some accountability and writing everything down helped I was going to do it.  I also started an online source to help keep track of my food intake. I used FatSecret it had colorful charts, graphs and a buddy system, it was really user friendly.

Every day I recorded my food, exercise and weight. I sometimes wrote down my moods or if it was a crappy day. It was all recorded in sloppy writing and barely legible but it was working and I so needed it to work. I exercised every day, mostly walking to start as my back was in bad shape. By July 22nd I lost 2 lbs. I was on a roll. WooHoo {Yea, sarcasm}

Below is an example of what my journal looked it. I have many stories to share while using this journal.

July 15th, 2010 Journal

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