I'm sorry that it seems like I've been in hiding. I really haven't but life has been catching up to me. I'm working really hard to put things back into perspective. I know its easy to say take time out for yourself but sometimes things just get out of control and you can't help but feel like you are sinking.
I just got back from a 3 day field trip with my son's fourth grade class and let me tell you it about killed me. 120 people in charter buses with overloaded schedules to stuff educational information into our children which most of them wont remember a 3rd of it.
Let me back up a little to lead to play out the story. My boot camp was over 2 months ago and I swore that I would keep up the exercises. Well, life happened and I didn't do it. 2 months of not working out and slipping with my food choices and eating things that I don't normally eat. A chip here, bread there I gained a few lbs. I knew better but my will power wasn't there yet because of my busy schedule (excuses). I figured I can take off 5 lbs no problem. This popped up that popped up and I was up to needing to lose 10 lbs. WOW where is the time going??? What is going on.
I'm planning this 3 day trip of back to back activity knowing that my food choices were not going to easy but I really had no idea what I was getting into. I packed some apples, black berries, raspberries and water and we ate it all the first day. I also had some trail mix with almonds, chocolate chips and dried cranberries. A gallon size bag half full misc chips, pretzels, chex mix and the like, for the kid to munch on during the 4 hour trip to our destination and back.
Up at 4 am to load up and to leave on the bus by 5:45. ZOOM. up early, to bed late and lot packed in the middle. We were held captive to subs, pizza and sandwiches on the bus. They did take us to a buffet.(sad face) We lived off of vending machines at rest areas. Never in a million years did I think I would be looking at a vending machine for dinner.
I get home at 4:30 pm and I'm ready for bed by 5. I hold out a bit longer but I wind up kissing my family good night and I bail by 7 only to get up a 5 am to start my daily routine of school and work. As I drag my butt out of bed I jump on scale and I'm mortified. I knew it was going to be bad but this bad? I weighed 201 lb. Highest weight in over 2 years. I was staying in between 189 and 193 for about 6 months and now I hit 201? I worked to hard for my weight to creep back on. I signed up for a 21 day boot camp to get me motivated. I missed 3 days because of my trip but I hit it today and I will every day for the next 17 days. I knew I was going to be tired and it was going to suck. Guess what? it did SUCK, a lot!. I had a hard time completing my rounds and keeping up and I was feeling like a loser. I pushed harder and didn't give up. Emeka says "Hey Carla, Long time no see" I can hardly breath, I'm really tired and I mumble whatever.......!
Now, I know that I'm not really loser but what happens with me when I've had a tough stretch and my world feels like it crashes a little. I get on myself pretty hard and add up all the things that are going wrong. I'm usually in this feeling sorry for myself phase for a few hours and then I start to pull it together to climb out my own mess. I have some motivational tools that I fall back on that I use often. This blog is one of them. It's venting about problem so I recognize how I got here, I'm owning it. Then I plot what I'm going to do to fix it, that's holding me accountable. So yes, boot camp sucked today, but I ate right today and I will get plenty of sleep to start another new day tomorrow.Just keep going. No magic here, just keep going and you will thank yourself later.
