Keep This Ride Going

By May 31st my weight was  at 221. Since January I've lost 1 inch off my bust, 6 inches off my waist, and 4 inches off my hips. I lost 22 lbs and am on top of the world. Except I had a really bad sinus cold and was miserable, but HEY, I lost weight.
I started to add exercise to my plan, I didn't do anything hard mostly just walking with my dog and free weights in my basement. Dexter was happy because he was getting nice long walks. Now, I can't put on my shoes without him going insane. It also keeps me out of the fridge and food off the mind. I was on a mission it was working and had to keep going.

By the  end of June I was down to 207 lb.  I haven't seen 207 since college. I was posting like crazy on the hCG facebook sight with both my ups and down of my eating and my emotions. I started on this page to hold myself accountable but it turned out that I was motivation for others myself. I often chatted with others that had questions and I would share my experiences. The more that I could help others out, the better I felt and it motivated me. I only had one co worker ask me if I had cancer. A little surprised at that comment. But, whatever.
I had not bought any clothes because I was losing weight so fast it was useless. I had a overstuffed closet of clothes ranging from size 20 to 12 so I managed ok, just a bit out of style, but ok.  I refused to get rid of any clothes as I KNEW I would fit into them again. By July 15th I weighed 202 lbs. Another inch off my thighs, an inch off my hips and 2 inches off my chest.  Happy Dance

hcg Activator the first week

I lost 4 lbs immediately on the 3rd day, down to 244 lbs. On day 4, I had dropped to 241.5 lbs I was liking this plan.  I felt like I had more energy and I felt lighter, less weighted down. The weight was coming off and I was delighted and in very positive moods. I had some Cravings coming in a little but I was able to curb those, just old habits I did hear some place that it takes 22 days to kick a habit, Damn it was going to kick this munchie  habit. I managed to lose a little weight every day until April 13th. I gained 1 lb and I put a sad face in my journal. How funny.  I lost a total of 10 lbs in 14 days. NOT to shabby, I'll take it.
Things are rolling great and I went out with some friends and had a few cocktails  I had not drank at all on this program, but I 10 lbs into it I was ready for a drink and some socializing  By April 18th I was 229.5 lbs. After my adult cocktails I gained 5 lbs back up to 234. lb  SO not worth drinking to be set back by 5 lbs. It took me 5 days to take that back off to get back to 229.Who would have thought that just a few drinks and some appetizers would have cause such a  gain. I have not seen 229 in years and I was going to keep going.

I posted a lot on the hCG Activator Facebook page. I bet they got pretty sick of me but it helped to put it all out there for accountability. Dosage questions, food questions, even private stuff that sometimes you are afraid to ask . I did not want to mess up and this online source was  life savor. I received  nothing but positive feedback and praise for sticking it out, even on those bad days. I was so grateful to have an online source of other people on this plan and the support to answer questions. I developed  some  great online friendships from this experience still  talk to them today. A big shout out to my wonderful hCG family Thom, Brenda, Larrisa, Renae and Rachel plus many more that I have encountered. We have all over come some harsh challenges and are stronger for it.

I also kept my journal current of how I was feeling, my energy levels and my food choices. I look back now and am thankful that I kept track of it all. It's so funny the things that I recorded. Did you know that May 10th 2011 My son was home sick from school and I stayed home and had a piece of carrot cake?. Makes me laugh to look back on this but it kept me going

hCG Activator Day One and Two

Its March 27th, 2011, My weight is 245 lbs. I had my hCG Activator from GNC  in hand and my grocery list ready for the food. I was suppose to load for 2 days? Really? I had to look at my make up for oils? I had to survive off of 500 calories a day? What was I getting myself into? M husband admitted later that he was afraid that if I couldn't eat I would kill someone. I guess I'm crabby when I'm hungry. I read read and read the instructions repeatedly, I was so worried that I would mess up for some reason. It was a very limited menu and pretty simple so my chances of screwing up was low.  I followed the instructions and I loaded for 2 days and I ate whatever I wanted. I really had a hard time eating so much as I had no appetite from the pills and I have always restricted myself from the foods that I loved and I just got used to not eating much.
By the end of the 2 days my weight climbed to 248 lbs. OMG!I was freaking out and I prayed that this program  worked.  It said in the directions that this could happen, the weight will come off. I shopped, cooked and prepped my food for the week ahead. I planned it all on my my calendar day by day, I set an alarm on my phone at 7:00 am and 3:00 pm to remind me to take my pills, I bought Vitamin D and a good Multi vitamin to make up for the lack of Dairy, I planned everything for 30 days. Every birthday party, holiday or school function. I was NOT going to have an excuse to mess this up.  And most importantly I used my www.www.fatsecret.com to record all my weight daily and my journal to write down how I was feeling, if I had any side effects or problems it would all be in my journal.

I kept this journal my by bed and the scale in the closet with a pen close by.
I absolutely positively hate this picture but it was the only one I had for a before picture. I really avoided the camera feeling so uncomfortable in my skin.  Its hard to see this again but I really wanted to show that's it possible to be successful with the right program and the right support.
What I really hate about this picture is that my son took this picture  He was 7 at the time and had to stand on a chair to take it. I felt so awful looking at it and as I looked into his eyes I wondered what he thought of me for having him take the picture. Just as my eyes filled up with tears he stepped off the chair and told me that I was a beautiful mommy. I was speechless, I gave him the biggest hug ever and said thank you dear, I love you too.
What a tough day!!!

HCG Activator- Do your homework

Its late March 2010 Not long after I was shot down with the bariatric thing  I was home watching the Dr Oz show. It was a show about something called HCG. Tom and I watched it together. My husband is so awesome for supporting me with all the stupid things that I've tried in the past. I guess its his way of watching over me so I don't do anything completely carzy. Anyway, Dr Oz  had on 6 people that had lost a significant amount of weight on this stuff   along with a restricted diet plan.. They had both pros and cons of the product but overall the reviews were good. After the show I spent some time on line to find out more about this product. It turns out that it was a shot and you had to have a doctor for it. I would have to get with my doctor and see what his thoughts were. But I never did because I had heard that insurance wouldn't cover it and the the price was something like $900. Really? no way.

A couple weeks later my husband went to GNC to get some vitamins, because we're Gold Card members and we have to go the first 10 days of the month to go to get the good deals.  Anyway, he saw a big poster advertising hCG Activator. He came home and told me about me about it and we hit the internet. We Googled hCG Activator and did our homework. It had good Reviews, not to expensive and I figured I wouldn't be out much if it didn't work. See my optimism bubbling? We got the product and sat down with the directions. I had to read them a few times because of all the things to follow with the food types and lotions. I was afraid that I would do something wrong and I really wanted this to work.

I planned out the foods and what I could eat and not eat. I looked at all my makeups and lotions as required, I looked at my calendar for holidays that I have to contend with. I surfed Facebook and found the hCG Activator site and immediately started following it, like surveillance work. I wanted to see who was on the page, was it real, were people successful. Only about 400 people were on the page at the time but I stuck it out to see what this was all about. I carefully read the side effects page and we decided that if I experienced any side effects at all  I would stop immediately. Health is my main concern, nothing is worth giving yourself a heart attack or worse.. He said he was going to watch me like a hawk and anything changed he would notice. I shopped for my specific food, got my scale out and I was ready. It felt like this was my last ditch effort to take control of my weight. This HAD to work.
LET's DO THIS.

Dr Oz

I really like the Dr Oz show. He's quite informative and with all kinds of topics that are both funny and educational. He's never boring, a bit weird but never boring  He's also pretty with his social media  and provides good tidbits. I get lots of food recipes off his site and subscribe to his newsletters.   I visited his web site and there is a section  that asks for show ideas.  I figured he had all kids of people on his show and they bare all to the world with their problems.
I light bulb went off in my head and I thought maybe I could get on his show to talk about my weight loss problems and get some answers. There had to be other women that are having the same problem and it would be a great show. A bunch of babbling women complaining about the same thing.
It took me hours to complete the task of writing about myself and quite difficult. It's ridiculous how many things I've tried and failed at. I put in everything from all my gym memberships, visits to the doctor, pills, deprivation you name it.  I found myself getting emotional  at certain parts as I was putting  thoughts to paper.
So, I looked it over took a deep breathe and submitted.  I figured I wouldn't hear from anyone but I checked my email every day for about a month just in case. It was worth a shot I suppose.

Lessons Learned

I went to my mothers over the weekend and ran out of time for my daily Sunday food prepping and cooking for the week and boy did it show. I had to get a few things at the store to hold us over and I walked by the Frozen dinner section. I thought hmmm, its been years since I bought a complete meal kit maybe my family would like something like that.  It took me longer than I was expecting with all the food choices. Rows and rows of pre-made food. I made it past the lasagna to Ziti, enchiladas to the Asian  Back and forth and I finally set my sights on Orange Chicken and Rice. It had fresh looking broccoli and peppers in it on a pretty box. I was in such a hurry that I never looked at the ingredient list on the back Oops!
I got it home stuffed it in the oven and did my thing. My first clue was it took over an hour to cook and when I could have done this meal from scratch in half that time.
All cooked and ready to serve, I mixed it up and put it on the family's plates. I didn't have any but I did taste it and  made quick note that it was very salty. Needless to say, my family ate it but did complain of being really thirsty and chugging water. I knew better but I was looking for a way to cut corners, but a what price? Lesson learned.

Good habit/ Bad habits

I was cooking a meal for my mom the other day and I noticed a bad habit. I cook with my mouth. Yep, I taste everything while I'm prepping and cookin for a meal. How many of you eat while you're cooking?  I'm such a taster and sampler that I am too full to actually sit down and have dinner with my family. So I watch them eat and end of cleaning up the kitchen. I know it's such a bad habit, but I just can't seem to break it, suggestions?

DAMN OREO Cookies

I had a training class last week that took up my whole afternoon. I like the class that I take but what drives me crazy are the snacks provided. Only single serving packs of cookies, chips, soda and coffee. How aer we suppose to stay awake and alert eating COOKIES? Normally, I'm prepared for days like this with my own snacks but this day I was running late and only had water, gum and an orange. I really did not want to peal my orange and draw attention. But I did it anyway to fight off my sweet tooth.

Let's just say I was running away from the Oreo's in my mind over and over. For 3 hours the single pack of OREOS's kept saying eat me, eat me. I watched others eat Fritos, chips, Oreo's, Nutter butters and Peanut butter and Cheese crackers. I keep getting up and refilling my water to avoid the temptations. 

When I have a day long class I normally plan a good lunch so I'm ready for anything out of the ordinary. But today was a sign of ill planning. For some stupid reason those damn OREO's were taking over my mind. But I was determined to beat it.

I must have chewed a whole pack of gum and gallon of water. My mistake was I grabbed the pack of Oreo's for my son. I thought, I would take them home and it would be a nice surprise for him.

I made it. 3 hours and no cookies. I was in the clear. Well, I knew those cookies were in my bag and now I was in my car alone. It was 4:30 and I bailed to go home. I totally caved to the Oreo's I reached in my bag and ate 2 out of the 6 pack. THEY WERE STALE. I was not going to waste my calories on stale Oreo's. so I tossed the remaining 4 out of the window. Yes I littered but I figured some bird or squirrel would enjoy them

All that turmoil for stale cookies. Lesson learned, move on.

Feeling Selfish

After so many foolish diets, pills, gym memberships, doctors, nutritionist, clinics, nutritional shakes, and starving myself. I was at my wits end. Or at least I thought I was. My body was breaking down physically and mentally I was a basket case.
I saw a commercial for Baratric surgery on TV and thought maybe this was a possibility. I was really nervous to call but I sucked it up and called.
It was an evening appointment and I went after work. I remember exactly what I wore that day almost 3 years ago like it was yesterday. I had been down to the clinic before when I visited the nutritionist a few months earlier. This time the room had long tables with folding chairs in a lecture setting. I was early so I could get a seat and I had no idea of what to expect. They had information  folders on the table with pens to take notes about a dozen were laid out. I was the first person in the room and I got a sudden fear. What if someone I knew came in? What would they think? As people began to make their way into the room I started to feel really foolish for this decision. It was clearly a life or death situation for these folks and I felt horrible for wasting anyone's time. One women came in a wheel chair and others had assistance and oxygen tanks.  What was I thinking, I felt so selfish. I was afraid to leave because I would get noticed so I sat quietly wishing I would vanish into the corner. I sat through the hour long presentation as the professionals talked about the different types of procedures available. It was all presented very well and the care that would be provided. At the end they had us each  figure out a BMI chart and a check list of any medical problems. High blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, etc. I filled out the chart, no blood pressure problems, no diabetes  no hypertension. All clean. When I got to the weight part I could feel my breathe getting shallower and quicker. I was 7 lbs short of the the allowable weight.  One comment sticks out in my mind. The nice lady that was helping me fill out my chart said that I was only 7 lbs short to qualify and that I needed to gain weight. I don't know if she was joking or serious but I will never forget it. I politely said thank you for you time, but no thank you, gaining weight was not an option. I quietly excused myself walked out to my car and sat there in the quiet for a few minutes, replaying the whole experience in my head.  While it was not a pleasant experience I did realize that I was not a bad off as I had worked up in my own mind. I had my health my family and friends. I was still in charge of my own destiny. I just needed to find the right combination.

Some good advice. Lose this crap! It's useless and sabotages everything you are working for.

Many ways to flavor water and make it taste good!

Meeting with a Nutritionist

I decided to give our hospital weight management center a whirl. I made an appointment and thought ok, I can do this. Maybe someone that's  trained in nutrition can help me understand what I was doing wrong. First, let me lead you into the building. It's in basement connected to a high end gym. But instead of going to the left, you go to the right down stairs to the basement. No windows, just a few offices with all the doors shut. The walls are painted a mustard yellow color. No paintings, no posters just mustard yellow walls. You keep walking down a winding path making a few turns and then it turned into a lobby with an extra wide-door way at the end. I talk to the cute little receptionist in colorful scrubs I sign in, and hand over my money for the visit. I take my seat looking around the room only seeing one older gentleman sitting in the corner reading the paper, perhaps waiting for his spouse. I don't wait to long and a shorter heavier women comes out smiles and calls my name. I thought all dietitians and nutritionists were skinny? I said to myself as I got up and followed her into a small room in the corner. She introduces herself and tells me says she's ready to get to the bottom of things. I get all my vitals down quickly, no medical issues. Now the discussion part of what am I doing wrong? why am I fat? and how do I get rid of it?
I brought my journals and exercise charts as requested and I brought a lot more than she was expecting because she made a cute comment about it. I sat quietly biting my lip while she read over them. My mind was racing as I was waiting for that "aha" moment. It seemed like an eternity when she finally looked up and said "You have a great diet, this is full of all the food groups". I was speechless, she said I ate better than she did. No Kidding! I could feel my eyes well up with tears. I choked them back and said I really needed some alternatives and help to take some weight off. Then I did what was called a Body Gem. It's a tool that is monitors changes in my metabolism for me to achieve personal weight loss and nutrition device that suppose to validate my (RMR) resting metabolic rate. Blah blah, everything turned out normal and I'm healthy as a horse. I sat a minute smiling at the nice lady and said ok. I put on my coat, said thank you for your time and  I left. I had nothing, I just left.

Becoming RedZilla

When I first decided to color my hair red, I had no idea how much trouble I would have keeping it.  I was always blond as a kid and remained that way most of my life. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped coloring my hair because of all the chemicals.  You want nothing to interfere when you're expecting.  After 9 months my hair was getting pretty dark. I never really knew what my real color wa because I had been coloring my hair since I was 16.  And brown was not an option. Walk down the hair color aisle and tell me its not overwhelming?  It's a crap shoot if you're using a box dye and I don't care what the box says.  After a several months of having every shade from orange to fire engine red I decided I had to  find a salon. That's cool for you if lots of money. I just couldn't bring myself to spending that much money every few weeks when I could buy shoes.. So then I figured I would try the local salon school. What the hell right?  To do this you need about 5 hours of nothing to do to but sit in a chair, meet new students each time, and try to stay awake. I have been bright orange to almost black." Let's fix it with highlights". REALLY?  Below another famous redhead, I have related to.

I was at the bar one evening with my husband and we had gotten to know the bartender. Ok, fine we frequent this place often and we got to know the whole staff.  She was also going to the same school to be a stylist and we started talking hair and all my traumas . She advised me to go back and ask for Kimmy. Ask for no one by Kimmy!. It was like she was a secret agent and you had to know someone to get to her.  I have been going for over a year to this school and I have never seen Kimmy.  Did I need a secret code word? Who is this goddess?  I went back and schedule an appointment with Kimmy.  Now, I'm pretty easy going and instantly we hit if off. She's bubbly and always smiling. She was a senior and I went to her until she graduated then I followed her to her first job. I love her service, her customer care, and we developed a great friendship.  She knows more about me than she probably cares to but its therapy in my opinion.

I could plan her into my calendar for the year if I were organized, but I'm not organized and I usually call her last minute. And without fail, she makes room for me. LOVE HER.  She mixes my color and it's the most amazing thing to watch. No references,guides or measured amounts, she just squeezes in tubes of colors that look like they belong on a canvas and away we go. She just knows what shes doing and  it right every time. I'm in and out with money still in my pocket,  Now, Ladies that is how a GREAT stylist does it. The moral of the story is find a great stylist and keep her. TIP her well!
http://hairsalon130.com/Ask for Kimmy.

How many times have you looked at something and said "Man, I wish I could eat that". I try to love by this golden rule. There are some pretty amazing foods available that are pretty tasty.

Give yourself the chance!

I had a moment in our local grocery store the day before Easter. I had to go Easter basket shopping for my boys and this was a true test of eating clean and not falling victim to Holiday splurges.

Our store is remodeling and it's just a mess right now so all the Easter candy was on big pallets in narrow  rows by the baby stuff. Tall mounds of candy on wooden pallets line up. Must have been 10 pallets of  everything you can imagine at eye level. The choices of what you can spend your money on are overwhelming.

I paced back and forth trying to decide what candy to get for my boys without being overboard and having it lay around the house for me to snack on. I  tossed in what I thought was appropriate and moved on. I halted by a pile of assorted candies and I heard little voice in my head say Not so quietly " ya know, you could easily buy a single pack of candy, the ones that are 10 for $5.00 and eat it before you get home. No one would know." Amazing how the voices work. I hesitated, walked back and forth wondering if I should. I decided that I would finish my shopping first before I make a hasty decision on candy. I went over to the produce section for tomatoes to put on our dinner salad. They looked amazingly red and it brought back memories of eating fresh tomatoes out of the garden.  All the bright colored fruits and vegetables looked so vibrate and inviting. I grabbed a couple bunches and never went back to the candy aisle but directly to the checkout.
As I was putting the groceries in the back of my car, I decided to enjoy one on the way home. I ate two as a matter of fact and thought for a second how I beat that little voice in my head. Much better choice.

GREAT another Obstacle!

It was was a cold winter day in Michigan but the sun was out so I though I would take my pup for a walk. Dexter my Shepard was only about 8 months old and we were putting him through basic training and as part my homework was to keep it up. I bundled up and we headed out the door. We walked about 2 miles then headed home, I was cold.  We cut through a church parking lot and hit some ice. Dexter was to the left of me when his right foreleg slide out in front of my left leg. I saw his leg cross mine and in that quick second all I could see was me stepping on his leg taking a step forward. I was afraid that I would break it. It was instant reaction to fall forward on my knees to avoid it. This all happened in an instant. 250 lbs + of me crashed straight down on  my knees on  icy pavement. I screamed  in agony as I fell over in pain and poor Dexter was freaking out. I held on to his leash and didn't let go afraid he would run off and get hit by a car. I laid on the icy pavement looking up at the sky just screaming and crying holding onto to a cowering dog that was scared holding his tail between his legs.  Both my legs felt like they were broke. I wasn't able to get up, at least not yet. Cars driving by and  NO ONE  saw me lying flat on my back with a dog attached to me. I could have been bleeding to death.  The pain was overwhelming as it was surging up my legs into my hips and back. I was trying to think how am I going to get home? I was only a block away  but I had no phone, I had to try to walk and soon because it was getting really cold and it started to snowing again.

I managed to get myself on one knee painfully as the left one was getting stiff. I could hardly bend it to get myself up. Dexter looked totally confused  and scare as I was pulling on his leash trying to use him as leverage.  My  jeans were tight,  wet and cold and  restricted my movement. I limped, and dragged myself whimpering. Seemed like it took an hour to go one block.  Poor Dexter kept looking up at me very timid and ready to run. My husband was sitting in his lazy boy working on something and didn't really say anything but hello as he walked past him directly into the bedroom. I was trying not to sob.I don't like pain and I surely don't tell anyone when I am in pain. I dropped the lease and Dexter ran into his kennel.  I left a trail of clothes all the way to the bedroom, I didn't care I wanted to die. Trying to pull off wet frozen jeans was painful. I crawled on to the bed slowly and  put a pillow under my knees. As I warmed up they started to swell  more and the pain increased, there were throbbing now.
Tom heard me whimpering and came in to see why.  My face was red, my eyes full of tears. I looked up at him and began sobbing again. My right knee grew about the size of a soccer ball instantly and was turning all kinds of colors, red, yellow, black and blue. Tom said we needed to go to urgent care right away.  He helped me put a dress on to get into the car as it was the only thing I could wear given the circumstance. I had ice bags on my knees as I hobbled to the car. After x rays it turns out that I only had badly bruised the bones on both knees but the right knee was a bit worse. I managed to bruise the tendons and the bones. I had to wear a knee braces on my right knee and crutches for about a week, I have stairs at work and it was horrible experience. I was miserable and all I could thinking about is how am I going to work out if my knees don't work. What if I have damaged them to the point of I can't workout anymore? I'm going to get fatter and fatter. I'm DOOMED! I was really feeling sorry for myself and had no idea what I was going to do.
It took a couple months for me to not feel daily pain, but the pain never really went away. Now I had another obstacle to deal with as if I didn't have enough.

Simple Really

Through all my weight loss stories and yo yo dieting I really thought I was eating clean and healthy. The program that I will share with you in up coming pots taught me what it REALLY means to eat clean. Processed foods are so much of our lives we take it for granted and assume we are doing our bodies good. Its not your fault. We are told daily by big corporate company's what to eat. Frozen meals, snacks, cereals, breads, fortified this, enriched that.  Take a minute to slow down and educate yourself on the ingredient list, and understand what they are really saying. When people ask me how I lost all my weight, I tell them that I eat like my grand parents did. Out of the garden. Simple really!

Smiley Faces and Sad Faces.

My weight was 260 lbs and I felt helpless even with all the working out and watching my food choices.  When I was 43 I started to have trouble with my menstrual cycle. It was getting physically harder to work out or even function normally.  I had a lot of cramps and was just miserable. Along with the physical aspect of things, I was mentally feeling frustrated. I was fatigued, achy and getting very depressed. I had no regularity anymore.SURPRISE!! The time of the month (TOM) would show up randomly and often. I had my annual appointment with my Gyn and I explained the symptoms crying through the whole thing. She said because of my age that it was important to get checked out, we didn't want any surprises. I made an appointment and she gave me some options.  We decided to go with the Ablation procedure and hopefully that would take care of everything.
http://women.webmd.com/endometrial-ablation-16200

That procedure was the best thing I could have done. It turns out I was a perfect candidate as I did have some mommy parts that needed to looked into.  My energy increased, my stamina improved, my body stopped hurting and most of all my depression lifted and I felt like a new person, I was eager to get back to my active lifestyle with new found motivation.

After my procedure I was back at the grind again. By late October of 2010 I got my weight down to 242. Looking back in my records it took me over a year to lose 18 lbs. REALLY, ONLY 18 lbs? I look back at my journals now and I can see the frustrations of failing over and over. I used smiley and sad faces I see many sad faces with some really deep pen strokes of scribbles  Like, I wanted to stab the book. But I had to hold myself accountable no one else was going to.

So there it is, yet another journal entry that showed jut how frustrated I was. Some times you can just feel doomed when you put effort into something and not to see results. I was glad that I lost 18 lbs ,but I still was not comfortable in my own skin. I was not meant to be this size, I just knew it.